The Great Offender

Ever been truly offended by someone you love and hold dear? It hurts doesn't it? Feels like someone stabbed you in the heart with the knife and they were able to get a really good shot or hit, because they were so close to you. I recently was offended by a good friend of mine and because of it are no longer close friends, but I had to learn how to let go of the offense and forgive her no matter how much she hurt me. Because I hurt Christ far worse when He had to hang on the cross for my sin and no matter what I do, He forgives me and calls me to forgive. This is a poem I wrote about the occasion after hearing a great woman from my school speak on forgiving others while being offended by them. 

The Great Offender

Childlike dreams and fantasies

Oh how we would giggle and talk late into the night

Of possible future realities.

We shared many hopes and dreams

In such close companionship.

We made such a great team, 

Or so I thought.

We dressed up, we laughed.

We fought, we cried.

And we always made up.

Ours was a friendship I thought would always last.

Wedding bells and sea shells,

All a part of our late night chats.

You'd be my maid of honor,

I'd be your bridesmaid- who could want more than that? 

But over time apart we drifted,

And I felt like I never really knew you.

Once with you my spirits were so lifted,

And now they were cast down and hurt.

The news you got married shocked me,

Yes it did and how difficult I found it to be

Excited for you when I hadn't even been invited.

What about those dreams, the chats we had,

The promises we made?

I guess it all meant nothing to you. 

I thought we were so close, 

But now my eyes are opened.

And I'm wounded, in despair, betrayed.

What kind of friend does this?

And I let my hurt seep into my skin.

I was angry, confused, blinded by my own sin.

Unforgivable you were in my eyes,

Though God had called me to forgive. 

How could I forgive someone who offended me so?

But then God's grace began to pour into my life

And He whispered to me to " let it go child".

Then my eyes were truly opened for I could see

That close friends we may never again be,

But I needed to drop this offense and forgive.

For then I could free myself too

and would be able to truly live. 

So I say goodbye to the offense, the hatred, and the scars.

And at the same time say good bye to

The friends I wanted us to be.

Because right now that's what God has revealed to me. 

Alcohol: The Deadly King

My pastor once said "In this nation, alcohol is king" and I couldn't agree more. But alcohol is more than just king in this nation, it's a deadly king that rips apart families and destroys lives. I know, because I watched it rip apart my family and destroy the lives of those I love. And every time someone cracks a joke about being drunk or drinking, I want to scream at them that they don't know anything about what it is like...that they don't truly understand how deadly it is. I close my eyes and the images plague me of what alcohol has done with my family and with those I love. I see the pain of people left behind, hearts broken, lives shattered, and dreams destroyed. I hear the screams vibrating through the walls like it's happening all over again. I close my eyes and I see a boy, barely a man, never at home because he can't stand to be there with all the arguing and the lies. And he's slipping into the trap of drugs and alcohol himself and I can't do anything about it. I see a woman struggling to get by, hanging on by her fingernails, and crying at night when she thinks no one can hear her. I see a young girl about 9 years old all alone with her drunk father and scared for her life. She cries so hard that night, she makes herself sick. And I whisper to myself: "This can't be how it's supposed to be...this can't be what God wants". And yet through all that destruction, somehow God used it to bring about His purpose. It's never His plan for people to drink and be destroyed by alcohol, but He can use lives despite of the destruction alcohol brings.

Sometimes I still take a trip down memory lane and remember the times of screaming, arguing, lies and deception. But then I go on to remember a young man going to jail and finally being brought to his knees and he cries out to God to save him, and God does. A prison sentence away and God opens the door for him to go to Teen Challenge. And today he has not only gone through the program, but he is a head counselor there and going back to college to be a Counselor. And I smile, because that man is my brother and God has brought him so far. I then go on to remember my mom falling in love with a great Christian man and even though I resented him for a while, I see how them together was God's plan. I remember a girl scared of her own shadow and always striving to please people in order to be accepted. And then someone tells her one day that she can never please everyone and the only one she should strive to please is the Lord. And God cuts through the pain and starts to heal her heart. And that girl is me. He has given me courage to stand up for myself, to speak out, and to strive to please Him in all I do and not people. 

Alcohol may be a deadly king in this nation, but God is the ultimate King of Life. When we turn our lives over to Him, He can take what the deadly king did to us and restore it for His glory. I wish my story had a happy ending for every one in my family, but I just don't know yet. Alcohol still consumes one member of my family and I pray everyday that he will finally surrender to the Lord, so the Lord can restore in him what the deadly king has done. I can only hope and pray...but for now I will be thankful for what the Lord has done despite the destruction the deadly king brought.