An Open Letter to COVID-19

Dear COVID-19,

I don't like you.

I remember what my world was like before you. 

I remember when stores were open.

When I could meet with my friends.

When I could go to the beach.

When I could shake hands or hug people. 

You have robbed so many of us.

Of jobs.

School is closed.

We can't attend church.

That's the hardest for me.

Church online is great, but it just can't compare to the real thing.

I wake up some mornings and feel like it's just another day.

But then I remember you are here and everything has changed.

I can't go back to my normal job for a while.

Many people have lost their jobs, their livelihood.

I'm ok, because I have something else for right now.

But I grieve for those who struggle and need a job so bad.

Many can't go see loved ones, because they are older or in a hospital.

And some people are dying not even from the virus and their loved ones don't get to say goodbye.

And then others are dying from you.

People having babies can't have anyone in there with them besides the doctor and nurses. 

I can't even imagine.

I feel like I'm stuck in the midst of some movie plot.

Like I woke up one morning and found myself in some Sci-Fi movie.

And I wonder...when will you go away?

But then, I see so many families outside.

More than ever before.

Families are eating dinner together.

People are coming "together" while staying apart to support local businesses. 

Yes, people can be cruel.

But I have seen so many reach out in kindness.

Schools are stepping up to feed kids while school is out.

Teachers and principals are working their butts off to get this whole distance learning thing down.

People are checking on elderly neighbors and loved ones to do porch drop offs of groceries.

People are calling each other and talking, instead of just texting.

People are creating, organizing, cleaning and working on projects with their families.

COVID-19, you stink!

But we live in such a blessed age with technology and everything.

We can't physically be there with many.

But we can call them. We can video chat with them.

We can still be social, we just can't be physically close.

I may have to wave at a friend from 6 feet or more away.

But I can "hug" them in my heart.

I can't wait till you are gone.

I want my life to go back to normal.

I want the doctors and the nurses and the grocery store workers and the truckers and any one else really affected by this to get some rest.

I know they are exhausted. I know they work hard. I know they are fighting to keep us safe. And healthy. And fed. 

I want teachers to be able to teach in the classroom again (myself included). 

I want kids to be able to play sports and go to dance class or karate.

I want kids to have play dates again and go to the park and play on the equipment without fear of you.

I really want you to leave.

But I so hope we don't ever forget the moment we all slowed down a little and took time to spend with the ones we love at home.

For now I will stay home as much as I can and limit my outings.

I will practice social distancing.

But it's not without a heavy heart.

Sincerely,

Just a normal girl living in a very crazy world.

To the two kids who saved my life...

A guy once told me as I was crying in his kitchen that the kids I worked with "needed me just as much as I needed them". It was definitely true. But I had no idea how it would ring more and more true in the days to come. 

Because that guy who told me that was my fiance. And I didn't know he was going to break up with me later that day. After being together for 5 years. And thinking that he was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. 

I met you the summer of 2014. I was instantly taken in by your smiles and unique personalities. I started being your nanny and we just clicked. You weren't my kids, but I felt like sometimes you were. You gave me purpose, you helped give my life meaning. 

And when my world came crashing down around me, you gave me hope. Hope that it would get better in time. Hope that it would hurt less. 

That time was tough for me. It was 2015, I hadn't even been with your family for a year yet. My heart was broken. I was depressed. I didn't know how to shake it. I didn't want to get out of bed. I honestly wanted to go to sleep and just not wake up. I even prayed for God to take me home to be with Him. Because this....this was too much. 

But I got out of bed in the morning anyway. Because all I could think of is "there are two kids who need me after school today and I need to be ready for them". So I would come and pick you up from school, or wait for you to get off the bus, do homework with you, make snacks, do crafts and play. 

And somehow along the way...you two healed my heart. In the midst of the crafts, the board games, the outside play time, the trips to the park etc the broken pieces of my heart began to come together. And I realized my purpose in life is not to get a guy. It's to work with children. In some capacity. 

I feel more "at home" with you two then I do with many adults. I just get kids I guess. And when I was so beyond worried to teach.... Helping Tripp with his reading gave me the confidence to go teach Kindergarten. And I did awesome at it (in a private school).

Later when my life changed and I was paraprofessional for a CBSA classroom, you two were the bright lights in my day because I got to see you everyday after school. No matter how difficult the day was, you two always had a smile for me. 

And more recently when I tried teaching in public school, then quit my job (something I have never done before) you two were so supportive and understanding. No judgment at all. And trust me, I was getting that from a lot of people. I kept worrying how you all would take it when I told you, but you two just said "oh ok" when I told you like it was no big deal that I was changing the whole course of my life again. And Tripp telling me I should be a professional baker, ha! 

You may not ever realize what you two truly mean to me. But if one day you do ever read this, I want to say thank you. Thank you for saving my life. Because I was drowning in a sea of confusion, doubt and depression. And you threw me a lifesaver of hope. You helped me look at God and Jesus through your eyes as I told you about Him. And it was beautiful. There really is nothing like childlike faith. 

You two are the reason I would get out of bed many mornings. You two are the reason I decided to pursue teaching. And you two are the reason why I am not afraid to follow my dreams and where God leads me.

You two are the reason I want to adopt a kid one day even if I don't get married. Because I always thought I wanted to get married and while that would be nice, I am realizing more and more that there is more than one type of love. And how great it is to be loved by a child. I am doubly blessed to be loved by two of them. And while an adopted child would not be a child of my own, I would treat them as my own and teach them about the great love Jesus has for us who has adopted us into His family. 

I praise God for putting you two in my life. I love you two....to the moon and back times infinity. Thank you again for saving my life.