Where are you, Christmas?

As I get swept up with all of the commercialized "holiday" greetings, and am consumed with the materialism of this world surrounding the Christmas season, I like Cindy Lou Who in "The Grinch", am starting to wonder where Christmas is. I miss Christmas and it can be so easy to get caught up in the commercialism of today and miss it altogether. The media would have you believe that Christmas is all about getting gifts, putting up decorations, and Santa Clause. While none of those things are bad in themselves they really are starting to become too much. Oh and even to say Merry Christmas to someone is not politically correct and it may offend someone. It doesn't seem that the culture cares about offending anyone over Santa Clause or how everywhere you turn during this season you see advertisements for something else someone else is selling, you just have to have for yourself or your friend Susie etc. But it's not ok for someone to be offended about Christmas. Well big news to everyone out there- there would be no Santa Clause, gift giving, decorations and more without first having Christmas. Whether people want to believe it or not, that is why they do most of the things they do around this time of year. People are just not doing them for the right reasons. Neighbors try to outdo each other in light displays, parents try to battle against each other to see who will give their kids the best gifts, and there is way too much of a hype over some fat guy with a beard in a red and white suit.

Point is: it really isn't Christmas as it should be anymore. Perhaps it isn't entirely wrong for someone to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas, because they don't even celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. And perhaps instead of asking "Where are you, Christmas?", I should be asking "Where are you, Christ?" Because Christ is what CHRISTmas is truly all about. It's not about a guy who lives in the North Pole with 8 reindeer to pull his sleigh to bring presents too all the good little boys and girls across the world. To be honest, if as many children knew that God was always watching them and were as concerned for living right in the sight of the Lord as they believe Santa always watches them and try to be good for him- we would have a changed nation.


Truth of the matter is we were separated from God by our sin and had no way to get to Him. God had mercy on us and decided to send His only Son, Jesus Christ into this world as a babe in a lowly manger to show that He was fully man and then showed us that Jesus was also fully God in that He could not sin. God sent Jesus Christ to bridge the gap between God and us by way of Jesus dying for our sins on a cross 2,000 years ago. But the bridge forming didn't begin at the cross, that was where it ended and the ultimate sacrifice was made once and for all. The bridge forming began with the birth of Jesus one night long ago in a manger where shepherds came to marvel and worship the birth of a king. Where angels declared the glory of God and that peace had come to man in the birth of this child. Celebrating Christ and his birth- in other words, his birthday, is what Christmas is all about.


For once I wish to have a Christmas where the true meaning is not forgotten and instead of hearing people sing "Here Come Santa Clause", they are singing "Happy Birthday" to the Savior of the world and remembering that one day He is coming back to take those who believe in Him to heaven with Him in order to live with Him there. That's what Christmas is all about.

Ode to Florida

I wrote this a few days back while on a trip back home to visit my family and friends in Florida. I am truly a Floridian at heart, which means that the ocean is so connected to me that it's almost like the sea water runs through my veins and I have a love for seafood.

Ode to Florida

Oh sunshine state here I am back along your white as snow sandy shores and how I have missed you. Believe it or not I have missed your straight and flat roads where one can see for miles. I have missed the feel of the sand between my toes as I walk along your beaches and how it feels when I dip them into the waves. I miss my adventures both on land and in sea, where beneath your waves I would find so many things. The snorkeling quests, the seashell collecting, the dolphin watching and diving underneath your emerald waters. Here I feel as if I am whole once again and no matter where I go I always hold a part of you in my heart. For no matter where I go, I am a Floridian at heart and always will be. Your sunshine and beaches have captured my heart for always. So many memories I have along your shores and so many smiling faces I have met and come to cherish. My church home that always embraced me; my family and friends always by my side. Oh how I have missed you. I hold every single one of you in my heart and think of you often, sending up prayers to heaven. Praying to the good Lord above that He would keep you all safe and help me to not feel so homesick as I live away from home. Instead sometimes, I close my eyes and pretend I’m still right there and I don’t feel quite so far from home anymore. I miss the taste of succulent shrimp and fish caught fresh in your waters. Here all I can get is frozen seafood they pass off as "the best" when I know that is a lie. How can I settle for frozen seafood when so long I have been used to the fresh seafood that came from local waters. Those times of catching fish and frying them in a tasty butter and herb mixture. Oh goodness- how it would delight the senses. I have missed your palm tress and yes even your pine trees believe it or not, though it is nice to have trees where the leaves actually change colors in the Fall up here. Oh and how I have missed your sunsets, because for some reason there’s nothing as beautiful as a Florida sunset and especially when you view it setting over the water. I miss your beach breezes and the smell of the salty sea that I could breathe in deep. I was reunited with you once again and yet now I have had to leave you. Do not worry- I will be back, but you will always be in my heart and on my mind.

Life Blazing By

I found this poem I wrote about a year ago when cleaning out my documents on my computer and decided to rewrite it a little and then post it. It's about how time can fly and sometimes it seems like something just happened yesterday, but you realize that really it's been years. It covers a lot of different situations in life such as the start of a relationship, loss of a close friendship, struggles with family life, and just change in general: because like it or not life will go blazing by.

As Life Goes Blazing By

All these days, life blazing by

Doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day

For all the things I got running through my mind.

Wasn’t it yesterday? How could it be years?

We were so close- wasn’t our friendship real?

Then strangely, as quick as a snap and slow as a lifetime

No longer are we close.

Didn’t I just talk to you yesterday?

Oh, how could it be weeks, months, even years?

All this running through my mind as life goes blazing by.

I’m 19 now- I’m engaged.

Yes I love him- but I’m so afraid.

Don’t wanna see my life move too fast

And before my eyes something gone that I wish could last.

How did I get here? I was just turning 13 yesterday right?

Guys were all jerks just yesterday right?

Oh how could it be years?

All this running through my mind as life goes blazing by.

The screaming- the promises broken-my fresh and bleeding heart

That was just yesterday right?

But no it was years, oh how could it have been years?

When I close my eyes the pain is there like it happened perhaps even today

But the years have come and past and my sorrows are mixed in with the long ago yesterdays.

Yet somehow they still linger with me today.

I looked up to you just yesterday right?

You were my role model- one I desired to be like.

Then in a blink of an eye, it seemed, no longer could I trust you to guide me where I should go.

Didn’t that just happen yesterday?

Oh, how could it have been years?

The bond we used to share did it really slip away through the years?

Or did it just happen yesterday?

All this running through my mind as life goes blazing by.

I'm in my third year of college- how can it be?

Didn't I just start high school yesterday?

Wasn't I just a scared 14 year old walking down the freshman hall yesterday?

And alas I find it's been years, but oh, how could it have been years?

A college degree I have and another one in the making,

But wasn't it just yesterday that these things were only dreams?

How did I get here so fast, so soon?

Ah, but life has gone on and life has flown.

All this running through my mind as life goes blazing by.

Autumn of the Soul

So I was sitting in Sociology class one Tuesday evening and I just started getting inspiration to write something so I started writing a poem in between taking notes. It has to do with starting a new chapter in my life and how God is always there regardless of what changes. I will have to figure out the title of this poem after I finish typing it. I never come up with titles first. I always get struck with inspiration to write and the words just flow onto the page from my head and I know God puts the thoughts in my head. Well hope you enjoy...here goes.

The Crisp leaves on the ground,
they changed colors and then fell down.
Behold, another season has begun,
One in my heart-and some
things, like the leaves that fall,
have come undone.
My life has turned a new page
and I am no longer the same.
Change is coming, change is near.
The inevitable has taken place
and part of me, of who I was,
has disappeared.
I said goodbye to somethings
and hello to the new.
And a new state, a new school,
a new job, well here I am
ready or not.
But through all the new, through
all the change.
One thing remains constant-
The same yesterday, today and forever
My God remains always the same.
Ever constant, ever with me,
His love will remain
through the new season of my life.

Ok I have now decided that the title of this poem should be Autumn of the Soul. Perfect for the new glorious season we are in that is Fall with the beautiful weather. I also totally just added three lines to the end of this as I was typing. Inspiration just comes when I start to write and for this I praise God.

Lit up for Christ

There is a festival park near where I currently live now and a sign that says "special event when flashing". This sign that at first made me laugh, now serves as a reminder to me that I should always be lit up for Christ. So many times in life we will be so glad to tell people about how great our God is when He's done something good for us or when life is going great. However, we should not only be lit up for Christ when everything is going just right in our lives according to our viewpoint. Our lives should always remain lit up for Christ no matter what's going on. What about those days when we feel like giving up and feel lost and afraid and hopeless? Do we still shine our light and praise God when the rain is falling down? It's one thing to praise God and live a life for Him when the sun is shining, but true faith and loyalty is shown when we live for Him and praise Him through the storm. Instead of having a sign in our lives that only lights up when something special occurs, we should stay lit up all the time. We are called to be the light in a lost and dying world- to bring truth and light to the darkness even when we, ourselves, are going through tough times. Matthew 5:16 says "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven." And notice that there is no clause that says "Let your light so shine before men when everything is going right in your life.." God calls us to shine our lights all the time- through the sun and the rain. So are you lit up for Christ all the time or are you a special event when flashing sign?

A New Journey

I just recently have left where I lived for almost all of my life and the place where I called home with a wonderful church family and friends. I have entered a new and exciting adventure in a whole different state where I am no longer living at home, there are stores and red lights everywhere, and the roads are hilly and curvy instead of straight and flat. I am excited for where the Lord is leading me as I enter in this new chapter of my life as I attend college up here in NC and hopefully find a church I can plug in to. I attended a great church this morning that is the biggest Baptist church I have ever seen. I thought for sure it was some kind of auditorium or mueseum rather than a church! I was overwhelmed by the size at first, but agreed with their values and the preacher preached a great message out of Mark this morning about being in communion with God and fellow believers like the disciples were in Mark 3:13-19. He preached the Word and wasn't afraid to actually stand on all aspects of it! I have found a college ministry that the church offers and plan on attending their Sunday school services soon. I am excited to be a part of a church body that is actively reaching out to the community and training up their own children in the way in which they should go.

As for job opportunities, I have applied some places and have recently found out there is a position available for an aftercare worker with childcare at the Methodist school across the street. Since I spent the last two years working with aftercare at a Methodist preschool, I am hoping maybe I can get a job here. I am prayerfully seeking God's advice and eager to see what His will is for me, whether He wants me to have that job or not.

Reading through and studying God's Word, I came across a passage in scripture and have decided to make it my theme verse for this school year. "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith."-Galatians 6:9-10 My prayer is that in everything I do I can be a light for Christ and that everyone who comes in contact with me will see my good works and be able to praise my Father in Heaven, for He alone is worthy to be praised. My ultimate goal is that when people see me, they see Christ shining through me. Every action, every word, every thought, every single thing I do should point to Christ and that is my goal for this year.

Strawberry Sanctuary

I am trying to raise money to go off to North Carolina in the Fall for school, so one of the ways I am attempting to raise money is through my new etsy shop. I will be selling handmade jewelry, note cards, and some vintage finds on my site. If you would like something specific I can custom make it for you- just let me know. You can check out my site at
http://www.strawberrysanctuary.etsy.com. Feel free to share with your friends =)

Pieces of sand in an oyster shell Part 1

My childhood was mostly carefree and seemingly happy. We attended church every week and not just on Sunday mornings, but on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights as well. Me and my brother did AWANAS, my mother sang in the choir, and we seemed like a model Christian family. However, on the inside something was not quite right. I remember my dad getting home later and later-always telling us he was working. Many times I went to sleep to my mom and dad arguing and shouting at each other...that is, if sleep would come. And if my mom and my dad weren't arguing, my mom and my brother usually were. Everywhere I turned there was tension and shouting. I would hold my hands over my ears to try and shut it out. I'd be as silent as possible and try to be good for fear of getting screamed at or getting the belt. I was not abused, but when my dad punished me for something I had done wrong (like not eating my green beans) I would get spanked with the belt- sometimes on the back of my legs and sometimes with the buckle...depending on how angry he was. For the most part, I tried to go unnoticeable. I loved my dad, but I was beginning to just be afraid of him.

And then I was 8 years old and the nights my dad were late become more and more. Always we got the messages that he had to stay late at work. And then he came home one day, smelling awful. I could tell my mom was worried and she hurriedly told me we were going to the movies. My dad acted disoriented. He was to come out the front door and go with us, so I heard my mom say to him. My mom and I got in the car, but she started backing out without my dad. And when my dad came out the front door, we just drove away...leaving him standing there by the door. We didn't even go to the movies. Instead we went to some one's house- they lived on the bay- and we stayed the night. Thus began many nights when my mom and I would sleep somewhere else other than our home. My brother mostly went to his friend's houses and well who could blame him? When my friend asked me why I wasn't at the bus stop in the morning, I didn't know what to say. And then she wasn't allowed to sleep over at my house anymore. I couldn't have anyone over for the night. When we went to some one's house and the kids asked me why my mom was crying, what was I supposed to say? "Oh my dad came home drunk and my mom is worried and scared, so we came here."? I don't think so...who says that?

I seemed put together at school and around my friends, but I started to withdraw. I became quieter and mostly let no one see my pain. I was ashamed and I didn't want anyone to know what was happening. And I was upset with God. I was a new Christian and I felt like I was being abandoned. I didn't realize that God could use even the broken pieces of my life- the sand- for His glory. I was confused, upset, and hurt. I turned to an escape- I turned to books. I'd read about Concentration Camp victims...trying to console myself that hey, at least I didn't have it as bad as them. But when the book went down, the pain would still be there. I become a little obsessed with the Holocaust and I dug up anything I could find about it. I started to become numb to the pain, to the horror and for some reason I thought that was helping me cope. Little did I know, I was merely putting up a wall of defense. And so an 8 year old girl started to grow up too fast.

Pieces of sand in an oyster shell- Intro.

Ready to hear my lifelong secret? Something very few, if any know? Here it is.....I love orange Popsicle's. I'm sure you are going, what that's it? That's lame! haha but no that's not it- just felt like throwing that in there. I don't even know why I'm doing this, just had a sudden urge to write and this is what came to mind. What I am about to tell you (in more than one blog post) is just a story- it just happens to be my life story. For so long I kept it all inside, for once I really have learned to not care what people think. Take this story as you want. I'm not asking for pity- that's not why I'm writing. I simply just felt like letting it out...who knows maybe somehow somebody can learn from it.

So many times I hear people tell me "you are wise beyond your years" or "what great wisdom you have for such a young age." Beyond my years, in some aspects, perhaps. But me, wise? Me who is so clumsy I hit my head with the vacuum cleaner today when I bent down to try and fix the cord? The one who deep down is afraid that no matter how someone may say they love her- they will only end up abandoning her, leaving her alone? The one who can seem so tough on the outside, but crumbles on the inside? Wise? I certainly don't think so. But perhaps the reason why people tell me I am "wise beyond my years" is because in my 19 years I've seen a lot of life. More than most perhaps in their 30's. No I am not some Concentration Camp victim, I wasn't physically assaulted....I've just seen a lot of life- the good, the bad, the ugly. I am not trying to say I have had the worst life possible. I am just telling the story how it happened...I'll let the story do it's work.

I can't tell everything...there is just too many memories to account for. It would take a lifetime. Only one person one day will perhaps hear me tell all these stories over the course of time. Not that he would really want to hear all the stories I would have to tell, but they did make me who I am today. Despite what has happened in my life I have learned to move on, look up, and always keep moving forward. The memories come back to haunt me sometimes, but I always remember my God who carries my burdens so I don't have to, and I no longer try to carry them on my own. I did that for too long and in the end, it did nothing but drag me down.

My story starts at a girl who was just learning to embrace childhood, before it was so quickly snatched away. So I don't really think I am wise, but perhaps I am "beyond my years"- for one day quickly changed everything in my life and I grew up, what most tell me, too fast. It's not like my childhood was all that bad. I had friends, a nice home, clothes, food, toys to play with, a Mom who loved me and took care of me, a big Brother, and a Dad I somehow adored. I never really knew how I came about to be a Daddy's girl, because he wasn't ever home that much. Most of the time he was on TDY with the Air Force. I barely remember him in my early years, but somehow I was just attached to my Dad or at least I wished to be. This was the man I loved yet was scared of. He would bring me presents from overseas and when I accidentally broke the bracelet with the painted glass from Italy- I remember hiding it so he wouldn't find out. I was so scared of getting the belt. And yet I loved the gifts he got me. I still keep some of them in a box and take them out from time to time, yet the box is filled with some painful memories too so it's not very often I dig them up- because with the good comes the bad. That's just how the story of my life played out.

And so as the days follow, I will be spilling out the story of me. Follow along if you'd like. I am merely going to write as the words come and as others have said before, "let the story tell itself."

The Greatest Role Model of History

Have you ever looked up to someone who in your sense was just the greatest, like that person was God's gift to man? They were one of your absolutely favorite people and you just knew when you grew up you wanted to be just like them. Then all of a sudden they do something that seems totally out of their character-like they are way less than perfect and you are distraught. Your heart feels like it's ripped in two and no longer can you look at this person as the person you want to model your life after. You are disappointed and even you have to admit to yourself, disgusted. How could you want to grow up to be like that person when they could do something in your eyes that is so horrible, something you would never do? Not only do you feel disgusted and disappointed, you feel cheated. Cheated out of an opportunity of fellowship with this person. For you can no longer be as close to this person as you once were. The mention of their name, while it once brought a smile to your face, it now brings a cringe to your heart as you remember the moment when somehow they failed you.

Many times in life we look up to people as role models. Just as the term suggests, people we want to model our lives after. We know we can't be them, but boy we sure wish we turn out a lot like them. But since we live in a fallen world, even those people who you perceived to be almost flawless have their flaws and their failures. To put it bluntly, in this life people disappoint you.

However, if your eyes are focused on the True Role Model for the Christian Life, Jesus Christ, you will never be disappointed. For He will never disappoint you. You can always look up to Him as the One you want to model your life after (as well you should, hence why we have the Bible). For Christ doesn't just seem perfect like those people you may look up to and let you down, He is perfect and because of that He will never let you down. In Hebrews 13:8 it says "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." He is perfect, without sin and He will always remain perfect. You don't have to worry about Him changing and disappointing you. He won't do things that contradict what He once said like people can do- No. Christ is true to His word.

So next time you are looking for a role model- while it is lovely to look up to another Christian, remember that we are all sinners and we all fail- no matter how great we seem. People can greatly wound you, but Christ was wounded for you- took your place and your sin when He had none. Next time you are looking for a role model you don't have to go far- just open up the Word of God...He's everywhere in it and if you are listening, He will speak.

Life Behind the Mask

We all wear masks. The troubled woman haunted by her fears on the inside wears a smile on her face. The man who has lost his job and family holds the look of a calm expression. And, at school, the popular guy or girl's parents just got a divorce, but you would never know it. A superficial mask of contentment adorns their outer appearance, but on the inside they are anything but content. At one time or another, we may put on a mask to hide our feelings, our emotions, and our true self from others.
This whole world is basically a vast masquerade that goes parading by in the form of hidden lives everyday. Shattered dreams, broken hearts, destroyed lives...all masked with smiles and laughter.
Many people wear this mask very well, and even you can have everyone around you fooled. But you CAN'T fool God. He knows us, not by the mask we don, but by the extent of our hearts. He is the ONE who sees you beyond your hypocrisy, but still loves you anyway.
For all those who live life behind the mask, there is only one who can truly peer into your heart. Jesus is the only true cure for the life lived behind the mask.