Change

Change. My life used to be a constant swirl of it. It was unpredictable, ever-flowing and relentless. I had no control over it whatsoever. We seldom do. But this was not normal.

I never knew what aspect of life was going to hit me that day. Or what type of person or personality type would walk through the door. Or if I would be comforting a parent again that night. Or being yelled at. Or having the empty silence of absence. 

I became a type of control freak when it came to school. My grades and my academics I did have a say over. I didn't have a say over anything else in my life. So it felt good to push myself hard into the books and excel in school. 

Looking back on my past and my childhood experiences, it's not hard to see why I have such a difficult time with big changes in my life. 

It used to be worse. I am getting much better, by the grace of God. Thank goodness, I no longer have the bouts of sleepless nights and getting sick over worry right before a big change occurred. 

But I still have a difficult time with big changes. I cope with them the best I know how. But I was never really taught the proper way to deal with them, so sometimes my performance at dealing is sub-par at best. 

Change can be a good thing. But when too many changes are thrown at me all at once, I feel like I am drowning and I can't breathe. I know I just need time to get my bearings. I want to ease into the change and the adjustments of life. I hate being tossed in a sea of it, with the tempests seeming to crash over my head. 

And yet sometimes God allows me to be thrown into the sea of change. I'm not always sure why. Maybe it's to teach me that I need to rely on Him more. Maybe it's to show me that even when I act like I have it all together, that I really don't. And that, that's ok. Sometimes I have to just lay my head back, push my body up and float on the tempests. Ride out the waves of change and let it carry me where it will.

Because sometimes God is trying to take me somewhere I would not normally go on my own. But it's somewhere I need to be. To either touch someone else's life or have someone touch mine. Or maybe both. And it can be a beautiful thing. Like the calm and stillness after a raging storm. And usually the worst raging storm is inside of me, wanting to fight against all the change. 

And most importantly, I think God allows all the change to come to remind me that I am not in control. I, in my flesh, love to be in control. But it's He, who allows the change, guides the seas, and directs my life, who is in control of it all. 

So Lord break down my sinful heart and my pride. Help me not to rely on my own strength. But to remember that only with You I am strong. Let me embrace the changes as they come if they are of You. Help me not to fight against the tide, but to ride it out and see where the journey will take me.

Your Life Matters...

The darkest day in history....believe it or not was not right now.

Not with all the viruses, the media propaganda, the natural disasters, people's hearts turning more wicked, sin running rampant, the violence, the riots and the cry for peace.

It was a day more than 2,000 years ago. When the curtain was torn and the earth fell still.

Because the greatest man who ever walked this earth gave up His life for yours and mine.

Think about that for just a minute.Turn off the news. Get off the Social Media. Be still and just think.

That body hung cursed on a tree. The one who did no wrong. It was bruised and broken for a bruised and broken world. 

Can you hear the hammer? With each bang, the nails were driven further into His hands, His feet.

And I'm going to say what some people may not like to hear, but what God has revealed to me in the past. 

Jesus died for everyone. Will the cop who killed George Floyd be judged? Yes. And even if you think the judgment is not fair on earth, the judgement that really matters is to come. But would Jesus welcome him into His kingdom if this cop were to repent? Absolutely. 

And that may anger you. Gosh it used to make me upset that men and women who do horrible things could be forgiven so freely and accepted so lovingly by a Savior who is so much better than I am.

Yet we need to remember that God died for the very people who drove the nails through His hands. He died for the slave owners of the past who beat people senseless. He died for the people in the medical field that are corrupt. He died for the cops that are corrupt. He died for, dare I say it, the SS Guards and the Nazis who participated and aided in killing millions of people just for their race, their religion,their political view or more. 

These people will be judged by a just and loving God, just like you and me. He will look at their hearts and He will look for true repentance. No matter what they have done, He will welcome them freely if they truly repent. And only God knows this. 

So yes, injustice is happening right now. But, reader, it's been happening since the beginning of time. When sin crept in; and the black stain only grows bigger over time. This is a scary world and everyone cries out for peace, peace. But I'm sorry to break it to you, we aren't going to get that this side of heaven. 

What happens to the black community is awful. God hears their cries as He heard the cries of His people in Egypt. People, like Pharaoh, can have hardened hearts. And this world is only going to get darker and darker as the groans of sin echo throughout the earth. And all creation will moan for renewal and a new earth. That will come.

I really think it's going to happen in my lifetime, but only God knows the time. Our days shall become like the days of Noah and then He will come. He promised He would come back and He will. If you are a child of His, this should delight you. If you aren't, this should scare you. 

Because no matter what injustice takes place this side of heaven. No matter what pain or torment you are put through. Nothing and I mean NOTHING compares to an eternity separated from the One who gave up His life so you could truly find yours if you wanted to. 

So no matter who you are. No matter what race, religion, ethnicity, culture, upbringing, gender....God died for you. And on the cross His death shouted it out to a deaf world....that you.....are loved and that your life matters. No matter what you have done. He is still big enough to cleanse all unrighteousness.

I look to Him as the righteous and just Judge. And I also remind my racing heart over and over as tears pour down my face that He died for these people too. And I should be praying for them and gathering not in protest, but in prayer. And that.... my friends, can be a very hard thing to do.