A Christian Crab

Also while at the Women's Retreat with my church this past weekend while spending some time on the beach I took some time to observe the crabs. Some small and some bigger that scurried across the sand searching for a meal with their claws up in defense. I got to thinking how much I used to be like that crab, even as a Christian, and how at least once in our life we all go through the stage of being like a crab.

There was a time when I still believed in God, but I had been hurt so much and I buried my feelings so deep, shutting myself out from the outside world. I was just a crab scurrying across the sand of life merely looking out for my own survival. I had a hard outer shell and claws up in defense for anyone who dared to get too close. I gave the appearance of being tough and hard, when underneath that hard outer shell was such a soft skin. It was the ones closest to me who had wounded my heart so deeply and while I ached and attempted to let it heal, I did what I thought was best. I kept others at a distance thinking that if I didn't let someone get too close then maybe I would not be wounded so deeply ever again. I kept my emotions in check, my feelings intact, and portrayed a look of someone just trying to get by. I was just like the crab only looking out for itself and struggling to survive. Others had their own ways of coping with their problems, whether losing themselves in drink or intoxicating drugs. Everyone seemed to think I was dealing with the situation so well, when really I was just withdrawing into my hole and forming a hard outer shell to hide how I really felt. Whenever someone tried to break into that shell and get close I held them at bay. I snapped and pinched with my claws always up for defense. I stopped talking to people I had been close to and held off the others who attempted as best I could. I told myself I would not love; that it hurt to much and I reprimanded myself when I dare let any glimmer of hope of love or trust in.

Through that stage of my life I realize, especially now, that the focus was all on me. On how I was going to get by, on how much I was hurting, and how it was so unfair that this was happening to me. I did not stop to think that God might have a plan for all of this in the long run, which He most certainly did. I might have realized this was affecting others around me, but I did not focus on them. I didn't ever really stop and think how much they were going through. No- I was a crab and so I had no time to look out for others, it was survival of the fittest and I had to be ready to defend for anything that could break me down and make me feel. But praise the Lord who finally got through to my inner core and was able to break that outer shell, helping me to heal and make me whole.

Looking back on it now, I am glad God showed me that I did not have to be stuck being a crab always hiding in my shell. But that he could change me and make me into who I am today. We, as Christians, were not meant to be crabs- chasing people away. But to be caring and loving, reaching out to those in need with encouragement and grace. Just as the Father reaches out to all us crabs, we are to minister and touch not only the lost, but also the other Christian crabs who have lost their focus and are just looking to survive.

The Sands and Seas of Times

I just got back from a Women's Retreat with my church out on the beach and while there I had a lot of time to just be alone with God and ponder life while sitting on the shore. Some of my deepest thoughts come to me when I sit on the beach- my favorite place to be and what I consider my sanctuary. I couldn't stop thinking of Psalm 139:17-18 where it says "How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand." And every time I looked down at the soft white sand I sifted my feet through I thought of how small each piece was and how many there were- and even beyond that unfathomable number are God's thoughts for us and according to Jeremiah 29:11 those thoughts are "of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." What a great and mighty God I serve, that He thinks of me more than the sum of the grains of sand and that His thoughts are so precious towards me!

I also got to looking out at the waves and how the blue green water was churned up by the tide, carried back and forth by each and every wave. Some waves bigger and rougher than others, while some remained small and calm. Life is a lot like we are a sail boat in the water, being tossed to and fro by the winds and storms of life. Sometimes the waves in life are small and calm, but then comes times of trouble and tempests. We may try to sail and go our own course, but when the wind is strong enough and the waves big enough our sails can split in two. Our efforts simply fail. We are guided by a much stronger force, no matter how much we may try to sail our "own boat". The One who has crafted the ocean, has charted out the course of the sea of our life. It's not always going to be smooth sailing, but He will always get you through. And sometimes you may not understand what is going on and why the storms in life seem to only be getting bigger. But we don't need to know the why, the how, or the when. God has not promised us that we would ever know that and sometimes we simply will just find out later when we see the bigger picture that God sees while right now we only see a glimpse. We simply need to know the who- that Christ, the One who can walk on the water and calm the storms of life, through it all is our closest friend.