Confessions of a Torn Heart

I am moving back home to Florida in December and I kind of feel like a porcelain doll being pulled both ways. I love it here in North Carolina, but I also love it in Florida. I feel torn and have mixed feelings about the whole thing, but I am trying to resolve myself to the fact that yes I am moving back home and I need to come to grips with it. While I will miss my school, my job, my church and some of the people up here.... I really do love Florida. I have decided to start focusing on the positives of moving back home...starting with making a list of what I love about Florida.  So here goes:

1) My family is there and ,to me, family is very important.
2) Midway Baptist Church- the place where I grew up and got saved.
3) I have some friends that are dear to my heart in Florida.
4) The Beach- a special sanctuary for my soul
5) Tropical Smoothie ( I have not seen one up here)
6) My favorite restaurant of all time- Magnolia Grill is back at home in Florida
7) Wearing flip flops every season of the year ( I do that here and I get some weird looks!)
8) Wearing Sundresses a lot more than up here
9) My dog is at home in Florida and I miss him so much.
10) Small town feel back at home and yet can go to the "city" if I so desire
11) The Beach- the waves, the white sugar sand, and the creatures
12) Vinnie R's (another one of my favorite restaurants that is local)
13) My church family
14) I almost always will run into someone I know back at home
15) Bealls and Bealls Outlet. They don't have those up here.
16) A real TJ Maxx not too far away
17) AC Moore not too far away
18) Some of the most beautiful sunsets
19) Great thrift store shopping
20) Did I mention the beach?!

Those are some of the reasons why I love Florida and my hometown. I hope to be able to keep focusing on these positives instead of sulking about everything I will be leaving behind in North Carolina. North Carolina, you will not be forgotten with your hills, Fall foliage, mountains, and people...but Florida I will return to you with open arms and an open heart.

Why I DON'T Observe Halloween

Well it's that time of year again. A time of year where candy and costumes are scattered throughout stores. When people are getting ready to do their annual "trick-or-treating". The practice seems harmless, but the origins of this wicked "holiday" are anything but harmless. I have always been taught that we didn't do Halloween in our house because it was like the devil's birthday. Well since then I have grown up a bit and done some more research and realized just why we didn't observe it and why I still don't want to today. Halloween or All Hallow's Eve actually is a Celtic tradition and here is what one article said about it (there are multiple articles out there that say the same thing):"Witches and other evil spirits were believed to roam the earth on this evening, playing tricks on human beings to mark the season of diminishing sunlight."(http://www.eliyah.com/hallween.html) People would then disguise themselves so the spirits couldn't recognize them and light bonfires to ward off evil spirits. You can see the lingerings of the tradition today with the people dressing up in costumes. I am not against dressing up at other times, but I am against supporting a holiday with such wicked roots.

Now some people differ on how they go about NOT observing Halloween. Some will not even participate in Fall festivals or put up pumpkins. I put up a plain looking pumpkin for harvest time and I do help out with my church's Fall Festival. We dress up in family friendly costumes, have a Bible story, and games for the kids and it's not on actual Halloween. Some are not even ok with that. I just tell people that I am celebrating Fall, not Halloween. Everyone has their own convictions. I have not been convicted about helping out with the Fall festival (now Trunk or Treat that some churches do is an entirely different matter...I think that is way too much like Trick or Treating). I just know I don't want to have anything to do with witches, demons, zombies, etc that are linked with Halloween. I believe as Christians, we are called to live to a higher standard. This is why I don't observe Halloween. This doesn't mean I automatically condemn those who do let their kids Trick-or-Treat. I may not understand it, but that's up to them not me. We are responsible for ourselves and I will stand alone before Christ on Judgment Day and so will they, to give an answer for everything. I just know that as for me and my house, yes we will serve the Lord and no we will not do Halloween. That's where I stand and it was through conviction of the Holy Spirit and much prayer and research that I came to this conclusion. I pray that you will let the Holy Spirit guide you and heed His direction in your life, whatever it may be.

A Thousand Gifts

Lately I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It was a gift to me from a sweet Christian woman, who I am glad to call friend and mentor. If you haven't read this book, you really should look into it. It's a great read that will have you wanting to go back for more and you will want to pick up again and again from time to time. In this book, the author describes how we are to get by with the messiness of life and find true joy and peace in the Lord by counting our blessings, some of them perhaps in disguise. They can seem small to some, but these blessings are gifts from the Giver and helps us to realize that even in the so called mundane God can be seen. She started a practice of giving thanks by keeping a journal with 1,000 gifts such as laughter of her family around the dinner table. Even in the simple,small everyday things there is beauty....there is God.

I, myself, have started keeping my own journal titled "My Thousand Gifts" and a challenge statement that I will live fully right where I am. Because tomorrow isn't here yet and yesterday is gone. What will I do with today? What gifts will I see today? How can I find joy in even what seems like pain today? When people die, money is tight, jobs are lost, sicknesses occur, families break apart...where do we find joy? How can we see God's face in such tragedy and loss? But God is passing by even through the hard times and we can truly see Him if we seek Him with all of our heart. We have to choose joy, choose to be thankful...for only in that can we truly see God. One thing Ann Voskamp said in her book touched me deeply (ok so almost everything in that book touched me deeply, but here's one of the most recent): "This daily joy stuggle, above all, it is a Jacob-wrestle to see God in the faces we face." We bicker and fight, clash and wound, and yet we long and desire to see God in the faces we encounter in life. We wrestle with our flesh and spirit over joy. I pray that you can choose joy today and maybe if you have a chance jot down some of your own gifts. It's a truly freeing experience. God can be seen in everything. We just have to be looking.

Here are some of my gifts:
 
24) A girl grasping God's truth and living it
28) Dog's head in the lap
3) Barefeet dangling in water
5) Twirling barefoot in a skirt in sunny weather
16) The feel of familiar arms around me when I'm blue
27) His hand in mine (Him being Adam)

God bless you on your journey and may you choose joy everyday and to see the beauty of God in even the mundane and the messiness of life.

Lifesong of a Christian Warrior

"Shout to the Lord, all the earth let us sing. Power and majesty praise to the King..." I sing the lyrics to the song Shout to the Lord at church and try to keep the tears from flowing down my face. Why tears, you ask? Because this song reminds me of my mom...my mom, the greatest Christian warrior I know. It's one of her favorite songs. She told me that once when I was little and I never forgot. It was based on Psalm 100, one of her favorite passages of Scripture. I gave her a cheap ceramic jewelry box with this passage on it. She acted like it was the greatest treasure in the world. That's one of the reasons I love my mom. She can take the smallest thing and make it seem like a treasure.

If you met my mom today, you would have no idea all the hardships she has been through. You would have no idea about all the dirt she had been dragged through. And yet through it all her life was singing "Shout to the Lord". He was Her Jesus and Her Savior, Her tower of refuge and strength. She relied on Him even in the midst of the storm and even when she was weak, because of her trust in Him, she was strong. People ask me today how come I am so strong of a Christian, to which I say I am not strong...He is just strong in me. But when people ask me how I came to know of Jesus, I point to my mom. I could not have the faith I have today if not for her and the testimony of her life. She shows me what it truly means to stand up for the Lord in everything.

I pray I can sing "Shout to the Lord" as my lifesong too. She is building a wonderful legacy and I know one day I will have to say goodbye to her on this earth. Praise God it won't be the final word; that we will reunite beyond the pearly gates. I know that if she does pass on before me, I want to sing the song "Shout to the Lord" at her service to honor her life. Because I have labeled that in my mind as her song, her life song. She always is singing to the Lord and this makes her the strongest Christian warrior I know. Keeping shouting and singing, mom. I love you bigger than the moon.



Me and my mom -August 2012

Dancing with Daddy

Ever since I can remember I have longed to dance with my dad, but I never got to. He was seldom at home. One of my dreams is that I can dance with him on my wedding day. I hope that comes true. I have been working on a devotional for girls who don't really have a father in the home, but then the Lord inspired me to write a children's book about it. The content for the children's book is what follows. I am hoping to have it published one day. Here it is:

Dancing with Daddy

Dedicated to all the girls who grow up without a father in the home. He is a Father to the fatherless and you don’t have to dance alone.

She stands and stares at the door, hoping and praying that he will walk through. But she knows deep down, he’s not coming home no more. The music is playing, her gown is on. She’s ready for dancing, but there are no feet for her to stand on. She’s a little princess ready for the Ball, but where is her prince who is supposed to take her? Gone. Vanished. Just like that.

A picture hangs on the wall of a happy little family, smiles and all. Feels like that was years ago, but it was taken just 2 weeks ago. How did it go from that to this? From together to apart? All she did was blink her eyes.

She is hurt and confused, sobs in her pillow on the bed. Lets her tears lull her to sleep each night. She loved and trusted, but her heart was shattered by the one she looked up to. Broken. Dejected. Alone.  She doesn’t know what love really is anymore.

Then through the tears one night, she hears a quiet voice whispering her name. It’s calling to her softly and tenderly. Telling her she is loved. She looks around and sees nothing there. But someone is calling, calling to her heart. The tears stop ever so slowly and a strange joy starts to creep in. Her Daddy, the King of Kings, is calling her and telling her to open her heart to Him. He enters in and she feels as if someone is holding her through the pain, rocking her and comforting her. She is not alone.

Now she stands in the room, all dressed up for the Ball. She is not alone this time. The King of Kings is dancing with her round and round the room. She’s His princess and she dances on the tops of His feet. He holds her hand every time she starts to feel alone and she knows she’s never by herself. She can feel His presence all around.

She knows what love really is now and hope has once more crept into her life. She’s not staring at the door anymore. Because while her daddy may have left, Her Heavenly Father will never leave.