Let's Stop the Bashing

You scroll down Facebook and see a photo of another Christian you know and cringe. The clothes they are wearing or rather not wearing is anything but Christlike. The language someone uses, the movies they watch, the things they partake in that we may not agree with is on the brink of our minds and if we are not careful our convictions and feelings can cause us to point a finger. We may not do it outwardly, but inside we somehow think we are holier than they are and we use the line of "we need to pray for them" as an excuse to talk about it with our friends. Nothing is wrong with praying, but how quickly a prayer request can turn into gossip and our convictions can turn into judgments we place upon another. If there is one thing I am sick of in the church, it is the bashing. Instead of lifting up our fellow sisters and brothers in Christ, admonishing them when needed in love, we are taking delight in pointing fingers and coming off with a holier-than-thou attitude. I know, because I have succumbed to the same thing at times. And it sickens me. Christians, this should not be so. 

I was reading the book of Romans in my Bible study today and these verses in chapter 14 struck me hard:  "10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.11 For it is written:'As I live, says the Lord,Every knee shall bow to Me,And every tongue shall confess to God.'12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. 13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way."  

How many times do I let my prideful and wicked heart reign over my thoughts where I judge another believer? I hate to admit it, but I have to say it's too many times to count. There are certain things in the Bible that are explicit, clear, and if a fellow Christian is disobeying one of these things we are to go to them in love and point them to Scripture. We don't do this in front of a group of people and we don't mention the person in a group as a prayer request. We pray for them in private between just ourselves and God, and after we have prayed for a while, if the issue isn't resolved, we pull the person aside in private and talk to them in love. Key words: in love. This is not where we bash the other person. They could be ignorant and just not realize what they are doing. Let's face it: we all need guidance from time to time. We are not the ones with the answers, He is. So lovingly point them to the truth found in His Word when needed. Then step back and let God deal with the person. Don't keep hounding them about it. Just pray for them and let God work. I think a lot of times we get in the way of what God is doing in a person's life. We are merely tools that can be used by Him, we are not the main event. He is. Once a tool has done its' job and served its' purpose, it gets put back in the tool box. It is ready to go when it is needed again. A carpenter doesn't keep using the screwdriver after it has screwed all the screws in place. The carpenter puts it back in the tool box and goes on to the next tool. The carpenter gets to choose which tool is right for which job. The tool doesn't get to choose that. Christ is like the carpenter and we are like the tools. We can be used by Him for great and mighty things, but only when we let Him be the one in charge. 

So Christians, let's stop the bashing. Let's lift each other up in love and point each other to the truth found in His Word. The world will only know we are His disciples by our love for one another. We need to actually start putting that in action. Let's stop the bashing and start the loving. 

Finding Someone to Trust

I'm not very good at the trust thing. Call it life. Call it unfortunate circumstances, but it seems like my life has been a series of trust being broken. When I decide to open myself up to someone, I open up completely and trust with my whole heart. This is just the way God made me and it's not a bad thing necessarily, but it sure does cut like a knife when those who I open up to decide to betray my trust. Funny thing is that I continue to place my trust in mere mortals, who mess up and sin, just as I do. And yet I get frustrated, upset, and mostly sad when they hurt me. Most of my life has been filled with me trying to place my trust in people who are not worthy of it. 

Let's get this straight. No person on this whole planet is worthy of my trust and I am certainly not worthy of yours. On my good days, I am kind and compassionate. But on my bad days, I lie and manipulate, judge and wound with my words. Yet, I still place my trust in some people. There are not many who I open up to completely anymore, because I have been hurt so many times before. And yet if I do open myself up completely to you, that truly means something coming from me. I tend to share what I am feeling with others, but I only open up the deepest parts of myself to those whom I decide to place my trust in. This isn't easy for me. And if I do open up to you, it's because I consider you somewhat worthy of the risk I am taking. For I know I am taking a risk. 

I take a risk each time I open my heart up. The risk to have it betrayed, torn, cut, and ripped in two. And yet for some people I still take this risk. There was a time when I shut my heart off to everyone. I was deeply wounded by someone I loved and held very dear to my heart. Instead of reaching out to others, I decided it was better to close myself off from the world. Those were some of the most horrible years of my life. Because a life where you cut yourself off from love is no life at all. Sure love comes with its' risks and heartaches, but it also comes with joy and laughter. Without love, well that's just no life at all. I know, because I lived it. I held people at bay by being sarcastic and sometimes the habit still shows itself at my weak moments. I thought that I needed to keep people as far away from my heart in order to never be hurt again. Thing is life really isn't worth living if you don't take the risk of love. 

The reason I began to let some people in was because of my Savior, Jesus Christ. When I place my trust completely in Him, who was wounded for me and who would never betray me, I am able to trust others. It still is a difficult task for me and there's always the slight bit of doubt that the person I am trusting will betray me. And if they do betray me, it takes me a while to learn to trust somebody else again. And yet God continues to pour out grace on me and lovingly teaches me all over again how to love and trust. Sometimes the process can be painful, but what joy it brings in the end. When I place my focus on the One who will never betray my trust, I am made whole. 

Church:A Hospital for Sinners

My pastor once said "The church would be perfect if you weren't in it" and this statement rings true, no matter where you go. I think people fail to remember that we are all human and we are all flawed, whether we go to church or not. We are like filthy rags, every single last one of us. The only thing that makes me and you (if you have accepted Jesus into your heart) different from everybody else is that Jesus' blood has washed us clean. That's it. Apart from that we are just like every other person living on this planet. Let me break it down for you. 

Let's say there are two people who are neighbors. One named Linda who attends church every time it's open, serves on committees, teaches Sunday School and seems like the model saint. Then there is Sally who is 19 and pregnant, unwed, parties and drinks like there is no tomorrow and seems like the worst sinner. And yet, they both die one day, come to the gates of heaven and are told some of the saddest words in history "Depart from me, I never knew you." They seemed so different during their lifetime, but really they were just the same. They were both sinners in need of a Savior, but neither of them ever accepted Jesus as their Savior and so they were eternally separated from God. It didn't matter that Linda went to church every time the doors were open or that she did all these good things, because the Lord tells us that our righteousness, or our good works, are like filthy rags before Him (Isaiah 64:6). Without surrendering our life to Him and letting His blood cleanse our sin, we are hell-bound. 

And so we enter churches, thinking that these so-called Christians are always going to be so loving and kind to us. Ha! Even if we have been washed by Jesus' blood, we still sin. And let's be honest here. We all mess up daily. Have you always been loving and kind to others? I think not. And so I am not sure why we get so shocked when others mess up around us, whether they claim Christ as their Savior or not. Sure it can really hurt sometimes,but it's not a one-way street. The traffic of sins travels both ways. It's not everyone out to get me. It's that we all mess up and hurt each other from time to time. 

I have been attending the same church since I was 5 years old. I have been a member there for about 19 years. A lot of people think I must go to the greatest church ever to have stayed there that long. I wish I could say that was true, but it's not. I love my church, but nothing this side of heaven is the greatest church ever. I have watched many people get hurt by others in my church and I have watched many leave. I have had my own heart broken by people inside the church and I have had to apologize a few times to people I have wounded there. The church is not a perfect place. It can be very messy. Why? Because it's filled with sinners. The church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners. And I sure wish more people looked at it this way. 

I used to really look up to some people at my church, but a little bit of my trust in them has been broken. Time passes, people get hurt, and my heart breaks watching others get wounded. I think the saying "Ignorance is bliss" rings a bit true, because I sure wish I didn't know everything I do know about some people in church. It would be much better to go back to when I was a kid and everyone just seemed great. But that can't happen. I struggled with this for a while. I have many friends who don't attend my church anymore and I don't fault them for that. They are serving the Lord in other places and I am happy for them. But in a way, I kind of feel like they look at me and wonder when I will be leaving. And thing is, I really considered it for a while. It broke my heart to even consider it, because I grew up there. But I wanted to seek what the Lord would have me do and not just go by my feelings. And so I waited. And prayed.

And one day I was sitting in service and was really struggling to pay attention when God reminded me of the day I gave my life to Christ in that church when I was 8 years old. And then He brought to mind all the things those same people who have wounded me and wounded others did to help us when we went through some valleys in our life. I started thinking, you know it sure would be nice to just focus on the positive and not the negative. I can't pretend that those people didn't hurt me or others, but I can forgive them and move on. And so I did. I refuse to let something like that steal my joy. I won't look at those people the same as I used to, but I won't think any less of them than I do of myself. Because we all mess up and we all are in need of God's amazing grace. 

Even Broken Things Can Be Beautiful

It's been 6 months, going on 7 since my heart was broken at the beginning of the year. People said it would get easier over time. And it has. But it hasn't completely gone away. I wish it had, but thing is I can't rush the healing process. Some things just take time and nothing I can do will speed them up. There are measures I can take to help with the healing process, but nothing much I can do to make it go any faster than it is.

Thing is there really isn't anything that I can do or that any other person can do. I have had countless people tell me that "Oh, well everything happens for a reason" and "God has a plan". Truth is, those statements don't really help. Oh, I know they are just trying to be helpful and they are true statements. I know them to be true. But I can usually tell when people are just saying them because they feel awkward and they aren't sure what to do. I wish they all knew I am not looking for them to do anything. The truth is, they can't. No one; not me, my parents, or my very best friends can take this pain away. They can help me to forget it sometimes for a while, but they can't get rid of it for me and I am not asking them to.

I don't think it will ever really go away completely, but I don't want it to. I did at first and this may sound crazy, but that pain makes me who I am. It makes me realize that I need to focus more on the people who love me and that I love, than on those who wish not to have me as a part of their life. I would much rather just focus on the people who do want me in their life. I can't make anyone like me. But it's nice to know there are some people out there who do, despite all my flaws and failures. It humbles me and makes me extremely grateful. 

I have my moments of sorrow, but mostly when I remember now I feel a little numb. Like I know it happened to me, but it feels like it happened in a different lifetime when I was not quite who I really am. Perhaps this is just a stage in the healing process. I must say it's a lot better than crying every time I remember. That was starting to get old. Sure, I still get depressed sometimes. What happened threw me for a loop and I am still trying to adjust to the new reality of my life. However, the Lord has poured His grace upon my life in abundance and I am so grateful. I have 2 jobs that I adore, the best friends anyone could ever ask for, a family that supports me, and a wonderful church family who lifts me up. So what if my heart has been broken? Whose heart hasn't been? 

I choose to let the Lord use this broken heart of mine for His glory. Somehow. Someway. Not sure how He will accomplish that, but I know He can and I know He will. So I didn't expect this to happen to me, but that's ok. Nothing surprises Him and thankfully He's steering the course of my life. He knows where we are going and He isn't going to leave me stranded. That's all I really need to know. 

A Song for Sunday: "The Maker Loves Me"

I am back with my series titled A Song for Sunday. I took a break for a bit, mainly because I was just so busy. While this summer isn't going to slow down much, I should have time to pick this back up again. My theme for the next 5 weeks or so is going to be about the love of God and His presence in our lives. I could think of no better song to start out with than the new Chris August song playing on the radio titled "The Maker Loves Me."

"The Maker Loves Me" is about how God can be seen and felt in every circumstance in our life. No matter what is going on, the love God has for us is overwhelming and ever present. It has no limits, no strings attached and no guilt. I don't have to worry about God not loving me one day, because He won't ever stop loving me. He may be disappointed in me at times and He may try to teach me a lesson, but He always does everything out of His great love for me. 

The lyrics for this beautiful new praise song are as follows:

"I see You in the sunrise

I see You in the rain

I see You in the laughter

I feel You through the pain

Everything that You have made is beautiful

Oh, my God, I can't believe my eyes

But in all of this to think that You would think of me

Makes my heart come alive

[Chorus:]

Your love is like a mighty fire deep inside my bones

I feel like I could climb a thousand mountains all at once

And I never have to wonder if somebody cares for me

I love the Maker

And the Maker loves me

I see You, You are creation

I see the grandness of Your majesty

The universe is singing all Your glory

I can't believe You live inside of me

Everything that You have made is beautiful

Oh, my God, I can't believe my eyes

But in all of this to think that You would think of me

Makes my heart come alive

[Chorus]

More than just some words upon a page

You've shown me in a million ways

But there is one that stands above them all

Hands of creation on a cross." 

This great love the Maker has for me "is like a mighty fire deep inside my bones" just as the song states. I know I can climb any mountain with Him on my side and His love in my heart. People will fail me when it comes to love. They cheat, lie, steal, and wound with their words. But my God's love never fails. Even on the toughest days, I can feel His presence with me. His love is always there. 

Perhaps you are facing a huge mountain in your life and you aren't sure if you can make it. Just know that with God on your side, you can tackle any mountain no matter how steep the climb may seem. The universe cries out the glory of our God and His love is alive and active inside of us, in our hearts. You never have to wonder if somebody cares for you, because the Maker does and He always will. 

When God Says Confess...

Let's get down to the "nitty and the gritty". I am going to bare my soul and be completely honest here. Let's cut to the chase. I mess up...a lot. And yeah you may think, well sure everyone messes up. But that's not the point. The point is that I sin, pretty much everyday.

You may think that is no big deal. Besides, the Word of God says "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"- Romans 3:23. But this sin separates me from the Father. Yes it was paid for with His blood on the cross, but sometimes I choose to sin even when I know what I am doing is wrong. It's been paid for in whole, but I have to confess it to Him and make it right.

There are times when I sin without realizing it. I am not perfect, as none of us are, and I slip and mess up without even meaning to. I don't think this is the type of sin the Lord is really concerned about. What really hurts Him is when I hear Him whisper to me that something I am thinking about doing is wrong and I do it anyway. Whether it's something I say to someone in anger or an action that is not God-honoring, I blatantly disobey Him. That's the sin that cripples me and brings me to my knees. Just where I belong.

Sometimes I can go on for quite a while in the sin. I try to hide it and cover it up, but God sees all and the Holy Spirit is not letting me get away with it on the inside. The Lord chastens those He loves, as stated in Hebrews 12:6. And when I mess up, He chastens me. That's the worst feeling ever. To know that you are not in right standing with the Lord and it's never His fault.

But when we finally go to Him, get on our knees, and confess our sin to Him, such peace floods the soul. The Psalmist David mentioned in Psalm 32:5 "I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,' and you forgave the iniquity of my sin."

That's something I have had to do recently. Confess. I let my emotions get the better of me and I foolishly let them take charge of me in my actions and words. In doing so, I hurt those close to me. I have had to confess this sin to the Lord and go back and make it right with those people. It's not easy. It was one of the hardest things I have done to pen those letters of apology, but it needed to be done. And when it was done, I felt such at peace.

The beautiful thing out of all of this is that God forgives our sins. All we have to do is confess them and our Heavenly Father will wipe our slate clean. I think forgiveness is one of the most beautiful words in the English language. Right up there with grace, mercy, truth, and love. 

What a lovely feeling it is when we finally make things right with the Lord and we can stand before Him without a feeling of guilt. I am excited to see what the Lord is going to do as He continues to grow me. My life may not be easy, but I am so blessed. Regardless of what the day brings, His grace always abounds.

A Song for Sunday: "Above All"

Ever hear a song come on the radio and it takes you back to a certain moment in time? Or perhaps it reminds you of a place or a person. I have a few songs that are like this for me. One of those songs is "Above All" by Michael W. Smith. 

When I hear the song "Above All" my mind immediately goes back to visiting my good friend Kirsten in Wyoming when I was only 11 years old. I was at her church in the sanctuary and this is where I heard the song for the first time. It's a beautiful song of the price Christ paid on the cross for us and how He thought of us, above all. I always smile when I hear it or sing it now, because not only does it remind me of my friend Kirsten (and she is way worth smiling about :) ) ,but it reminds me of the great love Jesus has for me. That is an even greater reason to smile. 

The lyrics to the song are as follows:

"Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all."

The song continues on, but just repeats itself. I so love this song. Like a rose, trampled on the ground, Jesus willingly took the fall for you and me. Above everything else, when He went to the cross, He was thinking of me and He was thinking of you. And that is so beautiful.

 I am so unworthy and yet He still thinks of me highly enough to give His life for me. Readers, that is what the gospel message is all about. Sinners who were lost in darkness have been set free by the light of Jesus through the shedding of His blood on the cross. Let's go and share that beautiful truth. 

A Song for Sunday: "The Wonderful Cross"

The cross is a picture of suffering. It's where Jesus was hung to die. And yet it's a beautiful picture. It is gory, bloody, and full of strife. But it's wonderful. It's wonderful, because that cross was meant for you and me. It was supposed to be our punishment. But Christ took it on Himself instead. 

The cross is a reminder to all of us that we deserve death and separation from God, but Christ took our place and sacrificed Himself so we wouldn't have to be in that position. Readers, that is something far more beautiful than we could ever find on earth. It's a picture of unconditional love. This unconditional love is shown in the Chris Tomlin song "The Wonderful Cross".

Chris Tomlin's song is actually a rendition of the hymn "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross." I love it when artists take the timeless treasures in the hymns and rewrite them for a new generation. The words still ring true, no matter what way they are sung.

The lyrics for "The Wonderful Cross" is as follows:

 "When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all."

May we all embrace the wonderful cross, die to our sinful nature, and rise up in newness of life to walk in the Spirit.

Take a Walk with Jesus Scavenger Hunt

Last Sunday we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am not totally against doing egg hunts and dying eggs. I did both of those activities with the kids I watch. However, I am not really big into the Easter bunny. I am more into the real reason of the day: Jesus Christ rising from the dead.

I went on a search on Pinterest to find some cool Christian crafts to do with the kids I watch. This is when I stumbled upon the blog post about Taking a Walk with Jesus for an Easter activity. I found it at this site: http://thegoldenseven.blogspot.com/2011/04/take-easter-walk-with-jesus.html

I read through the details of how to do this scavenger hunt and I knew it was for me and the two kids I nanny. We just had to try it out. They had loved the other scavenger hunt we did and this one was focused on the real meaning of Easter: Jesus. So we did it.

One day I had them gather bags (Tripp used his Easter bucket and of course Bree had to use her Frozen backpack) and we went off to search for items that had to do with Jesus' death and Resurrection. They had so much fun with this.

The first item we had to find was a branch, for the week before Jesus died the people waved palm branches before Him. They immediately trekked off to the woods in search of fallen branches.

Tripp and Bree finding their branches

Then we had to search for something prickly, because they made Jesus a crown of thorns and placed it on His head to mock Him when He was crucified. Bree chose a pine cone and Tripp found a burr.

Next, we had to find a piece of wood since His cross was made out of wood.

We then set off to find something that was no longer alive, because Jesus really did die. Tripp found a dead leaf and was so excited about his find.

Tripp showing off his "something dead" to Bree

The article I had read called for them finding white linen, since Jesus was wrapped in this when He was placed in the tomb. I knew this would not be something they would be able to just happen upon outside without me placing it there so I just had them find something white. I was leaning towards perhaps a white stone or a white flower. They ended up finding broken pieces of pipes, but hey it was white and they came up with it on their own.

We finished the hunt off by finding stones to symbolize the one they rolled in front of His grave and something living, because Jesus truly did resurrect on the third day. They found flowers for something living. I didn't have the heart to tell them that when they picked the flowers they were no longer living. Ha!

Bree looking for her flower for the something living category

They had so much fun collecting these items and I enjoyed getting to talk about them. It was an interactive way to talk about the Easter story that was a blast! I am definitely adding this to my list of traditions to do each year. They stored the items by the front door and just had to show their parents the items when they came home. It was cute listening to Tripp at 4 years old explain to his dad what each item represented.

Tripp and Bree showing off their items from the hunt

This Easter themed scavenger hunt has given me inspiration to take other Bible stories and have the kids find things in nature that would correlate to the story. I will have to let you all know if and when I do come up with one. I can't wait to see what other interactive fun we can have while learning about the Bible.

A Song for Sunday: "Alive"

For the month of April I am going to be focusing on songs about the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. What better song to talk about on Easter Sunday than one that is all about Him raising again? The song "Alive" by Natalie Grant is kind of lengthy, but full of truth and has made me really start to tear up as I listened to it again this year. 

The song is supposed to be like Mary Magdalene's story; of her going to the grave that Sunday morning and finding it empty. At first feeling lost, but then seeing Christ for herself and realizing that He is alive. And then she runs to tell the others. 

What a feeling of joy that must have been. I am sure some tears of happiness probably leaked out of her eyes as she looked upon the face of the Risen Lord and saw the scars in His hands from the nails. He loved her so much He died for her, but loved her even more than that. Because of His perfect love for her, He had to rise again. 

And the same is true for every one of us. There would have been no power in Jesus' death. He would not have been able to save us from our sins, if He did not rise again. He had to resurrect. And praise God, He did just as He said He would!

I just love the whole song so much, I decided to include the lyrics for all of it this time instead of just choosing some lines to share. Here it is:

"Who but You, could breathe and leave a trail of galaxies and dream of me?
What kind of Love is writing my story till the end with Mercy’s pen? Only You.
What kind of king would choose to wear a crown that bleeds and scars to win my heart?
What kind of Love tells me I’m the reason He can’t stay inside the grave?
You. Is it You? Standing here before my eyes, every part of my heart cries
Alive! Alive! Look what Mercy’s overcome; Death has lost and Love has won Alive! Alive!
Hallelujah, Risen Lord, the only One I fall before I am His because He is alive.
Who could speak, and send the demons back from where they came with just one Name?
What other heart would let itself be broken every time till He healed mine?
You. Only You could turn my darkness into dawn; running right into Your arms
Alive! Alive! Look what Mercy’s overcome; Death has lost and Love has won Alive! Alive!
Hallelujah, Risen Lord, the only One I fall before I am His because He is
Emmanuel, the promised King the baby who made angels sing Son of Man who walked with us, healing, breathing in our dust
The author of all history, the answer to all mysteries The Lamb of God who rolled away, the stone in front of every grave
Alive! Alive! Look what Mercy’s overcome;
Death has lost and Love has won Alive! I am His because He is alive. Alive!"

How great it is to know that we are His, because He is alive. Rejoice today and always Christian, for death has surely lost and love has won. He has risen indeed! What joy it should always bring to our hearts!

Spring: A Time of Growth for the Body and Spirit

Spring. A breath of fresh air. Sunshine. Beautiful clouds. Breezy days perfect for flying kites. Flowers blooming everywhere. Things growing. The world is full of life again. And I smile.

Roses from my mom's rose bush

 Ahh, spring. I needed this season. What other season could speak so to my soul about new life and a new beginning? About growth not just physically, but spiritually. Spring is when we remember Christ's death and it's when we celebrate Him rising from the dead. I have always loved this season. In nature and in the spirit, spring has to be my favorite.

5 years of going in one direction has been halted. My life has shifted and changed overnight. I am having to start all over again. And it's hard. Pushing myself up through the soil again is strenuous and sometimes painful. I have to make sure I am rooted deep in the Word of God. If not, I will wilt.

But when I hold fast to His Word and go where He leads, I find myself sprouting up from the soil. I have broken ground and here I am, a new shoot starting out. I am healthy, but vulnerable and small. 

If I just cling hard and fast to the One who adorns the fields with flowers  and who fashioned my heart, I will blossom into something beautiful. It won't be without hardships or pain. There will be storms and rainy days. Times of drought and times of plenty. And yet if I am rooted in good soil, I will grow. 

I look to Matthew 6:26 that states: "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" And I am reminded how foolish it is for me to fret about my future and what is to come. What about just basking in the joy of the moment, enjoying this season, right here, right now?  It's alright to have plans and goals, but I shouldn't get so hung up on them and all the what if's of what is to come. 

Thing is, I can't predict my future. I have no idea what it will have in store. I know I will get older and I know certain events will probably take place, but I have no idea what type of circumstances are going to infiltrate my life. 

And even more than that, I am reminded how silly it is for us to worry when we actually do things like sowing and reaping and gathering into barns. The birds don't even do that and yet God provides for them. So why then do we worry so much? He will provide for our needs.

I am ready to embrace this season of my life with all its' heartache, pain, joy, laughter and healing. It all comes as one package deal and I will gladly take it all. For I know my Savior is with me every part of the way. Spring, you are a breath of fresh air to my soul. You are, by all means, welcome here.

Hope Even After a Betrayal

I was supposed to be doing wedding planning now for early next year. It's when we were going to tie the knot. I had a lovely fiance and I loved him completely. Until the day about 3 months ago when he called me and said the four dreaded words to anyone in a relationship: "We need to talk." 

This was not just some passing fling or high school romance. We weren't just dating, we were engaged. And get this, we had been together for 5 years and engaged for 4. We had to wait for the wedding due to school. I trusted my heart completely to him and he broke it. 

At first, I was in shock. And then the pain hit me like a crashing tidal wave. When you have been with someone for this long and are committed this much, it definitely is unexpected to have a break-up. Not now after all you two had been through. 

I begged him to come back. I thought for some reason that everything would just be better if he changed his mind and decided to work it out. To be honest, I just didn't want to deal with the pain. 

At first I clung to the false hope that he would come around and call me back saying how sorry he was. And I would have been a fool and taken him back just like that. Why? Because I loved him.  And even though he wounded me like no one else ever has, I still love him. 

Yes I hate what he did. And I get angry at him. I deal with feelings of betrayal, hurt, and frustration. So yes I still love him, but it's not the same. 

When I think of him, I no longer feel a joy in my heart and have a smile on my face. Instead I usually cry, because of the pain he inflicted on me. And a lot of times I pray for him. Because I know he needs it and I know I need it. Because if I don't, I know I will get bitter. And I can't let that happen.

In all of this, God has poured out such great grace on me. Just as He always does. I have come to grips with my shortcomings and failures. I have realized how us getting married the way we were would probably have been a mistake. Does this mean I understand why he did what he did? Or condone how he did it? No way.

 I do know that God allows things to happen to accomplish His bigger plan. And apparently he and I together were not part of that plan. I don't regret us being together, because I learned a lot. But I do regret some of my decisions. Thank God for His forgiveness and grace. Without it, I would be so lost.

I don't think that what he did was right. The way he went about it was wrong. It should have been done in person and he should have told me a lot sooner. But then again, there are a lot of things I should have done as well that I didn't do. So am I going to keep focusing on that? No. Instead I am just going to let His blood wash over all of it and move on. 

The thing is Jesus knows what it's like to be betrayed by someone He loves. Judas Iscariot betrayed him with a kiss in the Garden of Gethsemane. And in a way, I was betrayed with a kiss too. No I was not going to die for the sins of mankind, but I now really know what it must have felt like for Jesus.

I think I am just now starting to realize what it is to be single again. I haven't been single since I was 18 so it takes some getting used to. It's not all bad. Especially when you have friends that are single too, who can share with you in this stage of life. And I am drawing closer to Christ, which is great. 

So I definitely did not see my life turning out this way at all. It's painful and I hate it. But sometimes you just have to embrace the pain and wait it out. Maybe God just really wanted to get my attention. Heaven knows He's got it for sure now. 

I get discouraged sometimes, being back in the waiting period, but I know God has a plan. And it will come about in His time. I am anxious to see what He is going to do.

A Song for Sunday: "Walk on the Water"

"You look around and staring back at you. Another wave of doubt. Will it pull you under? You wonder, what if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it? What if no one's there? Will you hear my prayer?" 

Those lines are the first verse to the Britt Nicole song "Walk on the Water". It goes on to say "When you take that first step into the unknown, He won't let you go. So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities, they try to alter you. You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes and you can walk on the waters too." 

Ever been there? The place where you are standing on the shore and God is calling you out to walk upon the waters. And the questions and doubts are raging through your mind. You're scared and you feel so small and insignificant.  Oh yeah, I have been there plenty of times. 

Everyday I have to ask myself if I am going to play it safe and stay on the shore or if I am going to take that first step out onto the water. Unfortunately many times I choose to play it safe and I miss out on so much. But on the rare occasions, when I decide to take that step out onto the waters, I am transformed and renewed. 

How much could we accomplish for Christ if we just chose to walk by faith out onto the waters every single day of our lives? How many lives could we change? How many people could we touch? These are the questions that I should be pondering as I stand on the shore and look out upon the water. 

I shouldn't let the what if's and the doubts get to me. But I do. I get scared and discouraged and I give up rather than place my life in His hands and go to where He is calling me. There is so much God wants to use me for and I stand on the shore rather than follow His leading and see what He has in store.

 It's the unknown and it scares us. We like to know what's coming up ahead. We hate it when we are called to step out in faith, not knowing what is going to happen. We think it would be better if God laid out the game plan to us. But He calls us to step out in faith and fully trust Him, even when we don't know what is going to be beyond that next wave. 

Are you willing to step off the shore today and out onto the water, fully knowing that you don't know what is going to take place? I hope you are and I hope I actually do it, instead of just saying it. We can all find comfort in the promise that He won't let us go. Let's take that first step and just see what God will do.

When The Tears Won't Stop...

I come home after a long day of working with kids, I am alone in my room and I start to think. Dwelling on what has occurred in the past couple of months in my life. And then the tears come. I can't stop them; they seem to overflow out of my broken heart and through my eyes. 

I spend the whole day with friends talking, laughing, and having a great time. And yet almost the moment I am alone my mind goes back to almost 3 months ago when my life was turned upside down. And the tears come again. People told me it would get better with time. And it's starting to. I am crying less. But I am still crying.

I still don't think there has been a full day that I haven't cried over the situation since it occurred. And yet some days, I only cry for less than a minute. I suppose that's a start in the right direction. And I am starting to cry again over other things and not just that. The stuff I always cried about before is creeping back into my thoughts. I find that I am alright with that. 

I am definitely not 100% yet. I have my moments. Good ones and not so good ones. Times when I am put together and times when I break down and I am a mess. I act like it's going great with just about everyone. Like I am okay with how things have turned out. But I'm not. 

A lot of times I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I just want the pain to go away forever. I want the events reversed and I want to start over. And yet it doesn't work like that. I find myself almost feeling selfish for even wanting that. Because, I know that God is doing a work in me. A work that needs to be done in order for me to be all He wants me to be. 

He has opened my eyes to how things really were and how easily I was blinded. He has opened my eyes to who I really was and that's the hardest thing. To come face to face with my prideful, selfish, disobedient self hurts. To think that I failed God cuts me to the core. And I cry all over again. 

 He has shown me that even though the change is painful, it was necessary. Am I actually admitting that? This pain is a piece of the puzzle. It's a part of His master plan. I don't understand it, by any means. But He does. And that's all that matters. 

I am walking through the valley, but I think I am beginning to see the other side of it. This doesn't mean I am going to stop crying. The tears still come. And yet I always know where to turn when the faucet is turned back on. I immediately go to my Savior. The one who died for me, who sweat drops of blood for me, and who cares about me so much that He holds my heart. And it's there that I find beauty even through the tears. In His Arms.

I don't know what struggles you go through, reader. I don't know if you are on a mountain top right now in your life or in a valley. If you aren't in the valley right now, you remember a time when you were. You get discouraged, fearful, and sad sometimes too. And sometimes things happen to you that just bring on the tears. Don't try to hold them back. But let them wash over you just as His blood washed away your sins. And remember that Jesus Christ opens up His arms for you. He is your comforter, your shelter, and your shield in the storm. Go find beauty in the tears.

A Song for Sunday: The Love of God

As we come near to Easter and remember the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross, I am beckoned to pause and reflect on the great love of God. It's an unconditional type of love that hinges not on my performance or anything I could say or do. It just always is. It's always there and it knows no bounds or limits. That's the love of God that is talked about in the hymn "The Love of God". 

I have grown up singing this song in church and I love the third verse especially. It states "Could we with ink the ocean fill,and were the skies of parchment made,were every stalk on earth a quill,and every man a scribe by trade;To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry; Nor could the scroll contain the whole,though stretched from sky to sky."

The ocean is so vast and huge. And yet were we to try to write all about the love of God it would drain the very ocean dry. This love is something that is way more than anything I could ever imagine or comprehend. He loved us so much he sent his Son to die for us so He could provide a way for us to live eternally with Him. He couldn't stand the thought of eternity without us, so He bridged the gap between us and Him with His Son. 

I can't know love without knowing God, for God is love. This love is overwhelming and incomprehensible. It's hard for me, a mere mortal, to even put it into words. And yet it's so beautiful and satisfying. If all else fails, I always know I will have the love of God. 

A Song for Sunday: It Is Well with My Soul

Today I am going to be focusing on an oldie. It's a hymn that is pretty well known throughout the world and has always been one of my favorite songs. Sure the language is a bit like the King James Bible and can seem outdated and archaic. But I think it's absolutely beautiful. Then again, this is coming from the girl who loves Olde English and enjoys reading works using this style of text. However, the message from the hymn "It Is Well with my Soul" is not outdated at all. It's one that stands true throughout the test of time.

The first verse of the hymn is what truly captures me. "When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul."  These lines start out this famous hymn and remind me of a Bible verse I have committed to memory. 

Philippians 4:11-12 state " Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." And this is my prayer. That in everything I am content. Because no matter what happens it can be well with my soul.

When everything seems to be going right and the river of peace is flowing through my veins, it is well. When sorrow takes me by surprise and I am carried away with grief, it is well. On the mountain top where the sun always seems to be shining, it is well. And in the valley where it doesn't seem to stop raining, it is well. 

Throughout all the joys and sorrows of life, God is still teaching me that in everything it is well with my soul. Because as Philippians 4:13 states, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This does not mean everything I decide to do will be blessed. It means that whatever comes my way in life, I will be able to get through it with Christ. For without Him I am weak, but with Him even my weakness is made strong.  Because of this, I can find joy in all circumstances. Because of this, I can truly say "It is well with my soul."

A Song for Sunday: I am Washed by the Water

Ever feel like life's storms just won't let up? You know the Lord said there would be valleys you would go through, but you feel like you are going through more than your share. Sometimes it's as if everything keeps happening one after the other and it leaves you feeling broken, empty, and scared.You keep praying for the sun to come back in your life, but the rain continues to fall and you look up wondering what the Lord is trying to do.

Even when it feels like you are going to drown, know that the Lord has a purpose and plan for everything that happens in your life. Yes this includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. We can't take the roses without the thorns and we can't expect all sunshine and no rain. And we should not think of rain as just a light drizzle. It may come as a hurricane or some terrible storm. Yet the Lord promises to "work all things for good for those who love him" (Romans 8:28). 

These lines come from the chorus of the popular Christian song "I am Washed by the Water" from Needtobreathe.  It speaks of how God can cleanse us and make us new even through the raging storms of life.  So the rain may be falling, the floods in your life may be rising, and the storm may be raging. And yet God may be using all of these to wash you. You may not understand what He is doing, but just trust Him. For He does know what He is doing and sometimes He knows we just need to be washed by the water.

The Fountain of Living Waters

When I hear the word fountain, I think of something beautiful and pristine. The Lord refers to Himself in His Word as the fountain of living waters. He promises that those who come to drink from this fountain will not come up dry and empty, but with a cup that overflows. 

Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well and in John 4:14 declared to her "but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing into everlasting life."

There's the word fountain again. Not only is the Lord referred to as a fountain of living water, but we can become a fountain by Him coming to dwell in us. What a beautiful picture. And yet how many of us come to the well to draw out water with holes in our cups, hoping that somehow we will be filled? I know I am guilty of doing such. 

Hold on a minute, you may think. Jesus promises us that we will have water springing into everlasting life in John. While this is true for salvation, for our continual walk with the Lord there are times we can come up dry when we come to His well. This is not because He does not provide us living waters or wants to hold back something great from us. It's usually because He has revealed something we need to make right and we have not heeded His voice. 

Jeremiah was a weeping prophet that spoke the word of the Lord to the nation of Israel of how they had forsaken God. Because of this, God was going to bring judgment on them. The Lord declared in Jeremiah 2: 13 "My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, And hewn themselves cisterns-broken cisterns that hold no water." The nation of Israel knew what they were supposed to do. The Lord had instructed them in the way to go. But they ignored God's guidance and instead made themselves broken jars to bring to the well.

The people of Israel would soon discover that their best efforts at being filled would fail. They could not come to the fountain of living water and expect to be filled on their own terms when they wouldn't even listen to God in the first place. That's not how it works. In order to come to the well and have your cup overflow, you must be willing to come on His terms.

Salvation is promised to us and it's a free gift, but having the transforming work of the Holy Spirit active and truly effective in our lives is up to how we respond to His calling. I have been through this many times in my walk with Christ. The Holy Spirit is grieved within me for something I have done wrong and I know what it is. However, instead of making it right I make excuses and try to go on like it never happened. I keep wondering why I am not being filled with His living water and why I keep coming up dry every time I come to His Word.

And then because I have not heeded His gentle warnings, I get whacked with the truth of why I am coming up empty. It's because I refused to do what I knew was right and I tried to come to the well on my own terms with this sin in my heart. Christ wants us to come to the well, washed of our sins, and ready to act on what He calls us to do. God isn't going to speak something new to you if you are not listening to what He has already told you. 

So when you need to, go to the cross, lay down your pride and surrender your sin. Then when you have made things right with the Lord, come to the well and just see how He will fill you up.

Rivers in the Desert

Have you ever been at a place in your walk with Christ where you feel like you are wandering through a desert? You feel defeated, broken, and all dried up. Your heart used to be a gushing spring for the Lord and now it feels like you are barely squeezing a drop out of it. Your heart has started to get brittle and it's as cracked as the desert floor as the sun scorches it. The circumstances in your life are beating down on you like the harsh rays of the hot desert son and there is no shade in sight. 

I've been there. I am there. And yet the Lord keeps providing me rivers of life even as I am spending time in the desert. 

I was reading in Isaiah 43 the other day as I was doing my Bible study and I stumbled across these jewels of wisdom :"Thus, says the Lord who makes a way in the sea and a path through the mighty waters, who brings forth the chariot and horse, the army and the power (they shall lie down together, they shall not rise; they are extinguished, they are quenched like a wick): 'Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The beast of the field will honor Me, the jackals and the ostriches, Because I give waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, to give drink to My people, My chosen. This people I have formed for Myself; They shall declare my praise. "-v.16-21. 

I love the beautiful imagery of the water seen in this passage. Not only does the Lord make a way through the sea (like He did for the Israelites when He parted the waters of the Red Sea); He also makes rivers in a place where water is hard to find. 

Notice the author didn't use the word stream or pond. This was no hole of water you would be lucky to stumble upon in the desert, but rivers. Flowing. Moving. Gushing. Rivers.

The imagery of the water is even revealed in the verb usage when it comes to a new thing the Lord will do in our lives. "Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth" from verse 19 uses the word spring to paint the picture of how the Lord will accomplish a new thing. 

This is no trickle of water. It's a spring. Is it any wonder the Lord had the author use this verb? It means to jump up or arise suddenly as a verb, but when it comes to water a spring comes from groundwater that has emerged from the Earth's surface.

That's how the Lord works. He starts on the inside. Underneath the surface of our lives, our appearances, and the faces we wear. He begins in our heart and He takes those places that have dried up in our lives and causes His Living Water to flow through them once again.

Do you need a fresh, new work from the Holy Spirit? It's yours for the taking, all you have to do is come empty with your bucket. He will fill it to overflowing.

A Song for Sunday: I Am Not Alone

Water. It's beautiful, majestic, and terrifying all at the same time.

Lakes. 

            Pools. 

                          Streams. 

                                Rivers.

                                      Oceans.

                                                     Rain. 

The forms of water can bring such beauty, but they can also wreak havoc on the land. God uses the imagery of water so much in the Bible and it's a beautiful picture. But the process can be extremely hard. I am going to be focusing for the month of March each Sunday on a different song that speaks of water when it comes to the Christian life. Some of them will be hymns and some will be more contemporary songs. The whole song could be focused on water and the washing of sins, or it may just refer to water in one line. 

 There is a new song by Kari Jobe that has been playing on K-Love quite a bit lately and it only mentions water in the first line. And yet that first line of the song speaks so much to my spirit. "When I walk through deep waters, I know that You will be with me" starts out the song "I am not Alone". And I am reminded of how God calls us many times in our Christian walk to walk through some very deep waters. And it can be extremely scary. God called Peter to come walk to Him on the waves and when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, his steps faltered and he began to sink. Lately I feel as if the Lord is calling me to wade out into the deepest waters I have ever experienced in my life and it's a bit frightening at times. I want to argue with Him and say "No Lord, I can't walk through those deep waters. I will surely sink. It's too hard."  And yet He lovingly whispers to my soul "It may seem too hard to you, but nothing is too hard for Me. Just keep your eyes on Me; you'll be alright. We will get through this." And the beautiful part of the whole process is that it's not me saying "I can do this" or "I can get through this", but that "We can get through this together". Because on my own, I can't do this. I am not strong enough. I fail in my own strength all the time. But with God (aren't those three words just so beautiful?!), I know I can get through it because He will be with me every step of the way and I am surely not alone.