A Christian Crab

Also while at the Women's Retreat with my church this past weekend while spending some time on the beach I took some time to observe the crabs. Some small and some bigger that scurried across the sand searching for a meal with their claws up in defense. I got to thinking how much I used to be like that crab, even as a Christian, and how at least once in our life we all go through the stage of being like a crab.

There was a time when I still believed in God, but I had been hurt so much and I buried my feelings so deep, shutting myself out from the outside world. I was just a crab scurrying across the sand of life merely looking out for my own survival. I had a hard outer shell and claws up in defense for anyone who dared to get too close. I gave the appearance of being tough and hard, when underneath that hard outer shell was such a soft skin. It was the ones closest to me who had wounded my heart so deeply and while I ached and attempted to let it heal, I did what I thought was best. I kept others at a distance thinking that if I didn't let someone get too close then maybe I would not be wounded so deeply ever again. I kept my emotions in check, my feelings intact, and portrayed a look of someone just trying to get by. I was just like the crab only looking out for itself and struggling to survive. Others had their own ways of coping with their problems, whether losing themselves in drink or intoxicating drugs. Everyone seemed to think I was dealing with the situation so well, when really I was just withdrawing into my hole and forming a hard outer shell to hide how I really felt. Whenever someone tried to break into that shell and get close I held them at bay. I snapped and pinched with my claws always up for defense. I stopped talking to people I had been close to and held off the others who attempted as best I could. I told myself I would not love; that it hurt to much and I reprimanded myself when I dare let any glimmer of hope of love or trust in.

Through that stage of my life I realize, especially now, that the focus was all on me. On how I was going to get by, on how much I was hurting, and how it was so unfair that this was happening to me. I did not stop to think that God might have a plan for all of this in the long run, which He most certainly did. I might have realized this was affecting others around me, but I did not focus on them. I didn't ever really stop and think how much they were going through. No- I was a crab and so I had no time to look out for others, it was survival of the fittest and I had to be ready to defend for anything that could break me down and make me feel. But praise the Lord who finally got through to my inner core and was able to break that outer shell, helping me to heal and make me whole.

Looking back on it now, I am glad God showed me that I did not have to be stuck being a crab always hiding in my shell. But that he could change me and make me into who I am today. We, as Christians, were not meant to be crabs- chasing people away. But to be caring and loving, reaching out to those in need with encouragement and grace. Just as the Father reaches out to all us crabs, we are to minister and touch not only the lost, but also the other Christian crabs who have lost their focus and are just looking to survive.