For those of you reading this who have never been through a divorce, you may not understand what I am about to write.This is from the viewpoint of a girl whose parents got divorced when she was young. So just keep that in mind :)
I took Human Growth and Development last semester at college and we talked about how girls usually have a harder time when their mothers remarry. This is due to the bond they create with their mom and the sense they feel they need to protect them if their father has done terrible things to their moms. And so yes I did hate my step dad at first. Many people told me I was terrible for that, but now I am being told that was normal. Apparently step dad blues are actually common.
When my mom and step dad got engaged, everyone expected me to be happy and join in with the celebration. I sat at a table in the back, almost in tears. The only person who really noticed that was Grandma Teresa, we called her. I will never forget what she told me. She told me it was ok to cry, but that in time I would figure out that my step dad was good for my mom. She understood what I was battling with and didn't try to tell me how horrible I was for having those feelings. I will always appreciate that, especially since she has passed away since then and is no longer with us.
When my mom first started going with Steve and then announced she was going to marry him, my 12 year old heart remembered what my mom had said when I was around 10. At the time, she was going through some tough times because of what my dad had done. We all were suffering from it. She told me " I will never marry again." I realize now she said this in her grief, not thinking she ever would marry again, while God had different plans. At the time though, I felt like it was just another time someone lied to me. I was starting to get used to that, but I sure didn't like it one bit. So I got angry and I drew into my shell. For the longest time, it had been just me and my mom. I saw her get hurt, I heard her cry at night when she thought I didn't know. I didn't want any man in her life, because of the fear he would do something to her like my dad did. I was happy and comfortable with it just being me and her. It was never easy, but we got through the times and I created a very close bond with my mom. I share that bond with her today still and I hope I never lose that.
In my 12 year old mind, Steve was coming between me and my mom. He was ruining everything we had worked for. And he had been married twice before, so of course I was skeptical. It took time for me to realize that Steve had been transformed by the renewing Spirit of the Lord and he made my mom happy. I saw my mom smile and laugh again. I hadn't seen that in a really long time. Especially not since my dad broke her heart. I gradually let Steve into my life and he has become the father figure I always wanted. I can talk to him for hours now and I enjoy our annual shopping on Christmas Eve together, just me and him.
To me, this just goes to show that God can use anything and anyone to fulfill His purpose. He used Steve to make my mom feel loved again and to help her heal. I couldn't exactly do all of that. He took a broken family and put the pieces back together. It's as if God took the shattered pieces of our lives and put them together to make a stained glass masterpiece. I love both my mom and my Step-dad today. God took me from having Step-dad blues, to having joy in my Step-dad.
Me, my mom and Steve in 2011.
No comments:
Post a Comment