Saving My Father

I saw "Saving Mr. Banks" yesterday with my mom. It's a movie about the making of Mary Poppins and about the life of the writer. It ends up being a lot about the writer when she was growing up and the relationship she had with her father. The movie is really about her father who was a banker, hence the name "Saving Mr. Banks". This movie really touched me, made me cry. More so than most other movies. It was because I saw how the writer as a little girl pined for her father and her heart broke as she watched her father drink himself to death *spoiler alert*. And it was there I couldn't get myself to stop crying...for I could see myself as that little girl and that man as my father. And I know how it feels to watch someone you love trapped in a prison of their own making. You just want to set them free, but you can't. You keep watching the vicious cycle take its toll and you just want to make it stop. But it won't stop...because you can't stop it. So I loved the movie, but it touched me deeply in ways other films can't because I could personally relate to the author and her heartbreak over her father. I pray every night for my father, wondering sometimes if it's all just in vain, and yet scared to admit that's how I feel. My dad isn't dead, but it doesn't mean I didn't see him wasting his life away. It hurts to watch ones you love suffer, especially when all you can do is pray. Because you feel so helpless and worthless and small. But it's all you have to offer so you keep wishing and keep praying. The thing that makes it the most difficult is that I love him. That's so much harder than hating him. It's easier to give up and just be devoid of feeling, to not care. But I can't do that. I love my father too much and so I will always continue to pray for him and hope and pray that he can be saved too. In a way I guess I am hoping for the "Saving of Mr. Banks" too, yet for my own father.