Approaching Graduation

April 2014

 This coming Saturday I will walk across the stage and receive my diploma for my Bachelor's degree. I am beyond excited and yet nervous. I have never been without doing school work for a long time and this shall open all kinds of doors for me...doors that have never been opened before. That is exciting, but also a bit scary. I suppose I got a teaching degree not only because I love children and long to home school my own children, but because I love to learn. Being a teacher means you never stop learning and sometimes it's the kids that are teaching you valuable lessons. I have no idea where I will go from here. Some may think I will graduate and automatically know all the answers to life and will just be wonderful at being a "real grown-up". Ha! I will have more responsibilities, college loans to pay off, , real job interviews, and hopefully down the road my own family to learn to live with and love. While the future can be exciting, it also makes me want to run back and hide at times. However, I know that the God who has walked with me every step of my life thus far will still be with me as I journey into a new chapter of my life. With Him, I will get through this next stage and learn to cope with it. There is nothing I can't handle with Him by my side. I may be repeating this to myself a lot in the next couple of days. The next chapter of my life is exciting, but hazy. I really don't know what job I will get and right now it seems kind of hopeless because I have been applying for everything I know of that has to do with working with children, but nothing has turned up yet. I want to get state-certified to teach, but I don't want to take the test until I know what state I am going to be in. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has a plan and I really don't have any. I am sick and tired of people asking me, "So what are you going to do now?" all because I really don't know.  The more and more I have pondered this question, the more I have realized that I will be doing what I have always done, waiting and trusting in the Lord. So next time someone asks me that I am going to say,  "I am going to trust in the Lord and see what He provides." If He wants me to teach right away, He will open up the doors. If He wants me to be a nanny, a job will be provided. If He wants me to work at a preschool, I will get a call back from one I have applied at. I am still applying to jobs and actively seeking, but ultimately it's God who makes the decision of what I do. He will shut the doors that He wants shut and He will open the ones He wants opened. I am praying to just not get discouraged as I wait to hear from Him, because His timing is not my timing and His ways are not my ways. Unfortunately when I respond in such a manner to people, they sometimes look at me as if I came from the planet Mars. Here's what really bothers me. When fellow Christians look at me like this. Of course I am going to sound strange to the world, but shouldn't other believers of all people understand? It hurts to see their glances and hear their cutting remarks. They may not even realize they are doing it, but it hurts all the same. I really don't mind people asking me about my future, but I do mind when they seem surprised and a bit judgmental of my answer. I am going to follow God's leading no matter what other people say or do, but it would be nice to have more support from those who are also supposed to be the children of God. Don't get me wrong. There are fellow believers who do support me, pray for me, and encourage me. I am so very thankful for these people. However, it only takes one fellow Christian to look at me strangely in order for me to feel like dirt. I hope and pray I don't make anyone else feel this way. I am trying to live more sensitive to other people, especially as God reveals things that bother me. If they bother me, I shouldn't be doing the same things to others. Sometimes it's hard to break away from the habit, because it may be ingrained in our minds by our culture. However, God calls us to a much higher standard. It is by that higher standard I am trying to live my life. I may not always succeed, but I have a loving Savior who bestows grace and forgives. When I fall, He helps me up and I get back up and try again. I don't stay in the dust, but I rise above it. Because my God is GREATER than any failure, any circumstance, and any trial. So as I approach graduation I am nervous, but I know I shall go with my Lord and He will be with me every step of the way. What a glorious and exciting thought! I can't wait to see what He is going to do.