1 in 700,000

I am jolted awake again

My heart is racing.

I take a deep breath,

It's just a dream I say, but it's a lie.

It's a memory buried so deep and long that I forgot it.

But it's returned with a vengeance.

It plays over and over in my mind.

I blink and my mind goes back,

Back to the day when survival meant

A whole different thing.

He fought in a war, battles,

Protector of our freedom.

But he brought the war back with him.

I guess he took it out on us or maybe he

Just hated us. 

Other kids were scared to walk outside their home

Into a cruel world.

Their battlefield was the world.

I was scared some days to enter my home.

My battlefield was inside my own front door.

The one person who was supposed to love and protect us,

Was cruel, harsh, and cold.

I watched him take someone's spirit, someone's joy

And sqaush it,

With the satisfaction of getting rid of an unwanted bug. 

I watched the light go out of my mom's eyes, out of my brother's

And then slowly,

Mine.

No one really knew- 

We made the "perfect" picture outside our walls.

But inside, we were bleeding,

Broken. 

This man who could seem so nice was a monster to us.

Playing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

And you never knew which character

Would walk through the door that day.

Nights when I was at my lowest,

I glanced over at my pillow and thought

How easy it would be to end it all.

I played scenarios in my head of the easiest, most painless ways to slip away.

But then I would shake my head

And tell myself, this is so not right.

I am just a child. 

I should not have these thoughts.

So I cried myself to sleep\

And got up again the next day.

Another round in the ring-

More scars that no one saw and

No one would ever notice. 

I hate being so vulnerable to rip back the walls and let people see this part of me. It's painful, but sometimes God brings such beauty through the pain. Maybe you were not aware, but around 700,000 children in the United States are abused annually. These are just the reported cases. Domestic violence happens in even the "nicest" families. The psychological effects it has on these children into adulthood is huge. 

Always be looking for those who are afraid to speak out of what may happen behind closed doors. I went to public school and no one ever noticed. Or if they did, they never said anything. I am just 1 person, many other children experience the painful reality of being scared to go home. Be a voice for those who have none. Always speak out for the victims. 

Because you would never want it to happen to your child,

So why should it happen to any child?

I am always watching, always looking to see the signs in any students of mine that walk through the door. Because sometimes, they can be really hard to detect. And because I know what it's like to be there.