To the two kids who saved my life...

A guy once told me as I was crying in his kitchen that the kids I worked with "needed me just as much as I needed them". It was definitely true. But I had no idea how it would ring more and more true in the days to come. 

Because that guy who told me that was my fiance. And I didn't know he was going to break up with me later that day. After being together for 5 years. And thinking that he was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. 

I met you the summer of 2014. I was instantly taken in by your smiles and unique personalities. I started being your nanny and we just clicked. You weren't my kids, but I felt like sometimes you were. You gave me purpose, you helped give my life meaning. 

And when my world came crashing down around me, you gave me hope. Hope that it would get better in time. Hope that it would hurt less. 

That time was tough for me. It was 2015, I hadn't even been with your family for a year yet. My heart was broken. I was depressed. I didn't know how to shake it. I didn't want to get out of bed. I honestly wanted to go to sleep and just not wake up. I even prayed for God to take me home to be with Him. Because this....this was too much. 

But I got out of bed in the morning anyway. Because all I could think of is "there are two kids who need me after school today and I need to be ready for them". So I would come and pick you up from school, or wait for you to get off the bus, do homework with you, make snacks, do crafts and play. 

And somehow along the way...you two healed my heart. In the midst of the crafts, the board games, the outside play time, the trips to the park etc the broken pieces of my heart began to come together. And I realized my purpose in life is not to get a guy. It's to work with children. In some capacity. 

I feel more "at home" with you two then I do with many adults. I just get kids I guess. And when I was so beyond worried to teach.... Helping Tripp with his reading gave me the confidence to go teach Kindergarten. And I did awesome at it (in a private school).

Later when my life changed and I was paraprofessional for a CBSA classroom, you two were the bright lights in my day because I got to see you everyday after school. No matter how difficult the day was, you two always had a smile for me. 

And more recently when I tried teaching in public school, then quit my job (something I have never done before) you two were so supportive and understanding. No judgment at all. And trust me, I was getting that from a lot of people. I kept worrying how you all would take it when I told you, but you two just said "oh ok" when I told you like it was no big deal that I was changing the whole course of my life again. And Tripp telling me I should be a professional baker, ha! 

You may not ever realize what you two truly mean to me. But if one day you do ever read this, I want to say thank you. Thank you for saving my life. Because I was drowning in a sea of confusion, doubt and depression. And you threw me a lifesaver of hope. You helped me look at God and Jesus through your eyes as I told you about Him. And it was beautiful. There really is nothing like childlike faith. 

You two are the reason I would get out of bed many mornings. You two are the reason I decided to pursue teaching. And you two are the reason why I am not afraid to follow my dreams and where God leads me.

You two are the reason I want to adopt a kid one day even if I don't get married. Because I always thought I wanted to get married and while that would be nice, I am realizing more and more that there is more than one type of love. And how great it is to be loved by a child. I am doubly blessed to be loved by two of them. And while an adopted child would not be a child of my own, I would treat them as my own and teach them about the great love Jesus has for us who has adopted us into His family. 

I praise God for putting you two in my life. I love you two....to the moon and back times infinity. Thank you again for saving my life.