A Song for Sunday: "God Only Knows"

"Wide awake, while the world is sound asleeping.

Too afraid of what might show up while you're dreaming.

Nobody, nobody sees you,

Nobody, nobody would believe you..."

Because....God only knows...

God only knows... how I wake up from a terrible dream that seemed so real. And somewhere in the back of my mind I know parts of it probably are. But I try to shake it off, best as I can.

God only knows...how I wake up in a panic attack, feeling like I can't breathe, and all of a sudden I feel like I am going to throw up.

God only knows...how little things can set me off and I don't even know why they do. I just know there has to be a reason. And I feel guilt for how I react and don't know how to tell you what is going on, because I really have no clue.

God only knows...how I cringe every time someone comes in physical contact with me, especially a guy. But how I play it off like it's no big deal and on the inside I am panicking.

God only knows...how my heart aches each time one of my friends gets married or has another baby. And I think to myself when will it be my turn?

God only knows...how a child's tug on my hand pulls at my heartstrings so and I start praying to the Lord for a child, even though I don't even have a man yet. How I contemplate adopting when I am more financially stable and have a place of my own.

God only knows...when I am laying in my bed, drowning in my insecurities and fears, but I plaster on a smile and face the next day with as much grace and poise as I can possibly muster.

God only knows...how I feel as if my heart is stabbed as the very people I thought would offer the most support offer me none. And yet thinking to myself how I should have expected this, because even close family have turned their backs on me.

God only knows...how I fought the tears, thinking of all the lies I had been fed for years and how I helped some of them continue without realizing it. And how I feel sick to my stomach over it all. As I try to wrap my mind around why people I grew up knowing could be so horrible and cruel.

God only knows...when I have had a horrible day and people are being so cruel to me and I am trying so hard to be kind, but I feel like I am going to snap.

The song "God Only Knows" by For King and Country plays on the radio and I have listened to it over and over again. I let the lyrics sink into my innermost being. It's just so...real. And that's amazing. Because we live in a fake world. Full of people posting fake lives on social media. Acting like they have it all together, but the truth is they don't. And at the end of the day, really God only knows what they are truly going through.

"God only knows what you've been through,

God only knows what they say about you,

God only knows how it's killing you,

But there's a kind of love that God only knows."

The amazing thing about it all is that God knows all this horrible stuff and yet He still loves me. This kind of love He only knows is more than I can fathom,  it's better than anything I could imagine.

Because there are a lot of things that I don't tell anyone about, lots of battles I face in my bedroom and in my mind. I hear what people say about me. I know what some of them think. Sometimes I let it get to me. Sometimes it's silently killing me on the inside, whatever I am going through.

So yes God only knows everything about me. And yet God is the only one who could ever truly love me. How amazing!

It's so easy to get wrapped up in the "God only knows" about the troubles I have faced or am facing at the moment. To feel rejected, let down, and cast out by the world. And yet this song urges me to focus on something else entirely. To focus on the fact that there is a love that God only knows. And so when the thoughts of "God only knows" enter my head, I force myself to finish the sentence with "God only knows" how to love me unconditionally. And I just let thoughts of His love fill my mind and chase all the bad ones away.

I'm so very grateful for the love that God only knows and that He offers it to me so freely.

"God only Knows" music video