Your eyes only

I get it. I say things I don't even realize how they sound. Till you get upset and then I'm like what the crap did I just do?!

I'm extremely loyal. But I hate making people upset. Like big time. So yes I know I'm annoying with the phone calls and texts but it's like I'm grasping. So afraid of you walking out the door. I don't really think you will, but in the back of my mind it nags at me. I repress it as much as I can. Tell it to go away.

The lies whisper in my ear. That I'm not good enough. That no one would ever want to stick around. I shake my head hard and tears pour down my cheeks.

I hate conflict of any kind. I want to rush in and fix things when I know sometimes you just need your space and I want to do better at that. I honestly do.

Sometimes I just don't know how. I just want to keep the peace. To make you happy.

I'm difficult. I'm needy at times. But I promise you I am loyal to the core. I would never say something to intentionally hurt you. At least not most of the time. Because well, I am human.

You are a good man. More than I ever could deserve. And you are so refreshing. I love how you treat me. The way you make me feel. And how you value my opinion and thoughts.

I haven't had that like ever. And that speaks volumes to me. Please be patient with me. I'm learming. I'm navigating this thing called an actual healthy relationship and it's dauntinng, exciting, wonderful, a little scary and new. Mostly it's wonderful and exciting.

I'm dedicated, kind, loving. But I can be cruel sometimes without even realizing it. I can be vile. I mean we all can. I seriously want nothing more than to grow and learn with you. You make me incredibly happy, you give my soul peace and the way we just clicked excites and scares me.

I apologize, a lot. I always felt like I was to blame for just about everything. But I want to do better. And I know with you I can. It's gonna take some time. I'm going to have to learn to chill and breathe. That you are the real deal and you're not going anywhere.

I promise you. If you give me a chance, I will love you like no other. It's a little early for that now. We are in the beginning stages. But underneath this soil of life, I feel a small seed starting to sprout. I think it's only going to grow more beautiful with time.

And honey, I can't wait to see what it's going to be 😘