"Burn the Ships"

The holidays are approaching. And for the first time, I have decided there is one family member I don't want to see. And for the first time, I don't feel guilty. 

This is huge.

This past week I have been wrestling with my fear and my emotions. The guilt creeps in and I toss and turn in my sleep. I wake up in a cold sweat. I hate feeling like this.

The anxiety comes every time they want to talk to me. Every time they try to reach out, my heart recedes and panic settles in. I have a hard time sleeping. I pray sometimes for memory loss of certain moments. Because I just can't seem to forget. 

It's not that I haven't moved on. Because I have. It's that Satan is really good at making me feel guilty for having moved on. The lies repeat in my mind. Things said to me at night by a drunk father who doesn't remember, but that I will never forget. "You're a horrible daughter. Worthless. You don't love him." 

I have prayed in earnest to God, clinging to His Word and promises. And I just asked Him if it's ok for me not to see my dad for the holidays just give me peace...please. Because I can't take this anymore. 

And then a song came on the radio the other day. I was having a particularly hard morning. The bank also called and I had to deal with credit card fraud as well. I was just drained. I was driving to the bank the first time I heard it and really listened to the lyrics. 

I needed those lyrics. The message that there was a time to burn the ships of my past, to dry my tears, wave goodbye and don't look back. "Burn the Ships" by For King and Country is a deep personal story tied with a historical account. The lyrics hit deep. They strike the heart. 

And somewhere in all of that, the lies were destroyed with declarations of truth. The whispers from a loving Heavenly Father saying "You're my daughter and I thought highly enough of you to die for you. Because of me, you are worth more than precious jewels." 

It's as if God was using the lyrics to say to me "I can see in your eyes, dear. It's hard to take for a moment more" but that I don't need to feel guilt for stepping into a new day. Just like every other time before, I will rise up from the dust and walk away. And this heartache? I will dance on it. 

No matter how many times I am knocked down, my Savior will pick me back up again. He will strengthen me and teach me to dance all over again. 

I will light the match, leave the past all over again, and burn the ships.  Lord, help me not to look back. 

Satan, throw what you will at me. But you don't hold my destiny. The ships are burning. Now please move so I can get to my dance floor. 

Check out the music video for "Burn the Ships" at Burn the Ships Music Video

Just click the link. Don't ever feel guilty for leaving your past behind. Let the words wash over you. Step into a new day with the Savior by your side.